Atonement
by mangobeta
Summary: Byakuya would never have guessed that the sins which weighed Hisana into the ground would one day bloom into a love that could reach the stars. ByaRuki's journey through their pasts to one another.
1. Settling In, Settling Down

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_**Disclaimer:**__ Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I do not own any of the characters represented._

_**Notes:**__ This is my first attempt at writing, though please be as critical as you like. I have already uploaded some chapters and received absolutely wonderful reviews, so I feel very grateful and honored. I have edited and merged chapters as well as renamed some of them, so they are being reposted, but not too much has changed outside of grammar._

_For those who have reviewed and asked me to update, I would like to respond: I will try my absolute hardest to update and finish this story. Nothing bothers me more than an incomplete story, because it leaves me dying of anticipation. With that in mind, thank you for reading what I have so far, because even I would not have done it! Although, after having started my own story, I understand now that the encouragement of readers can play a monumental role in the development of one's fiction and I think I will read incomplete stories more often._

_On the story, I am unsure of where it is going. Currently I have about three chapters posted (I may merge chapters), but roughly twelve written. Before I post some of the chapters that move the plot, I will make sure I know where it's going! Anyway, enough chit chat. Happy Reading!_

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**Chapter 1: Settling In, Settling Down**

Dusk was settling over Seireitei, and with it the stir of conversation and the bustling of feet. It was only a few hours ago that Aizen, Gin, and Tousen had escaped to Hueco Mundo. Ichigo was still being healed by Inoue, while Sado, Ganju, and Ishida were resting in their own quarters.

Rukia groaned as she sat up in bed. She could barely move because of so many days inside the lethality stone, but she was feeling restless nonetheless. She looked out of the window at the purple clouds and the dust rising from the destruction of the last few days. Most of that damage had been caused because of her. Lost in thought, she did not hear the nurse enter her room.

"Kuchiki-san, please lay down and rest. We cannot return you to Kuchiki Taichou in this condition after all he has done to save you." The nurse placed a tray on the table beside her bed.

"...Yes. I'm sorry."

The door clicked behind the young nurse as she left. Rukia stared over at the tray, neither the food nor water catching her eye, instead the pink flowers in a tiny vase. _Byakuya. Nii-Sama. Kuchiki Taichou._ He had snatched her from death at the last second. Just enough time to save me, but not enough for him to escape Gin's Shinsou.

When everything was over he had revealed to her his heavy secret. Torn between a promise to his wife, her sister, Hisana, to protect her and to his parents not to soil the Kuchiki name any further, Byakuya chose to keep his promise to his parents and abide by the laws of Soul Society.

_Hisana. My sister. I have a sister.... I had a sister..._

Her head started to swim, her mind racing through his story over and over. She had understood, but now it was beginning to sink in. Her shoulders started to tremble, her hands clutching the sheets tightly in fists, and tears began to stream down her face.

"Why didn't he tell me...Why did he keep it a secret!? Bastard! How selfish!! Why didn't I deserve to know!?" She clenched the sheets and buried her face as she wept. "Why does it feel like this?"

A knock at the door made Rukia jump. She wiped her eyes with her white sleeves, rubbing her face harshly to make herself look tired instead. She held her breath as the door creaked open...

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Orohime had just finished bandaging and healing the last of the shinigami from the day's battle. She had never really stayed long at any hospital before and despite all of those injured around her, and how tired she was, she had felt better than ever since coming to soul society. As she walked down the hallway to her bedroom, she mused over the evening's events.

"So this is what it feels like to be a doctor...Unohana Taichou is amazing... I wonder if I could ever be like her. Not only does she heal people but she fights... I'm glad I could finally do something... At least for Kurosaki-kun..."

Her thoughts were interrupted by a shout and a choked sob coming from the room she had just passed. "Rukia...?"

Uncertain if she should interrupt, Orohime waited at the door for a moment listening to the tiny sobs. She had come to Soul Society to save Rukia -- she couldn't do anything before so she would at least try now. She gently knocked on the door hearing a brief silence before deciding to enter.

"Kuchiki-san, can I come in?"

"Inoue!! Of course! Come in!"

Orohime walked into the small hospital room and sat on the floor by Rukia's bed, wrapping her arms around herself holding her knees to her chest.

"What is it Orohime? Is everyone okay? How are you? How's Ichigo!? I'm sorry I ...heh... I'll just...let you talk."

Orohime replied giggling, "Don't worry Kuchiki-san, I have been keeping busy helping Unohana Taichou. Everyone is stable now and resting. I was walking down the hall when I heard you -san, Why were you crying?"

At this question, Rukia's eyes became downcast. "I said that out loud? Heh...No, it's nothing. I'm just being stupid," she said as her eyes began to shimmer.

"Kuchiki-san... it's can't be nothing. You were captured by your brother and best friend, imprisoned, almost executed..."

"Ahh..."

Inoue's eyes started to widen losing herself in the story. "...had your soul used to store a deadly item,

"I get it, Ino-.."

"..barely escaping death right before having your soul pierced by a monst- "

"Ah! I get it Inoue! I know! I was there, remember?" Rukia chided as she smiled at her walnut haired friend.

"..ehhh...sorry... I get carried away. but, you were saved by your brother, Kuchiki Taichou...."

Immediately her smile disappeared, "That man..."

"Kuchiki-san?"

"I'm sorry Inoue... I haven't had a chance to tell you yet..." With that Rukia shared with her Byakuya's story from that afternoon.

"....wow...that's fantastic! It explains everything!"

"It is not fantastic! It's terrible!!!" Inoue's blank expression told her that she needed to explain further. Rukia took in a big puff of air and began, "I spent all those years wondering why he had adopted me! At first I thought it was because I looked like his wife, but I thought if he wanted her around, then why adopt me as a sister? If he took me in because I looked like her, then why didn't he ever look at me? Why did he bring me into his home if he was just going to treat me coldly?! Inoue... I've spent the last 50 years believing, hoping that there was some warmth to him, defending him to others while thinking that he hated me, not knowing why I was there... I looked like someone he loved, yet I was so disgusting and such a disappointment that he couldn't even look at me! I did everything I could to please him to show my gratitude, but it never seemed to be enough, I tried to understand him... I tried... and this... now...I'm not anything... I'm nothing more than a promise to be kept to someone who abandoned me...all of my trying... was for nothing...I... I don't even know what to think anymore...my entire life...feels like a lie in someone's game of secrets..."

Inoue watched as Rukia's eyes started to well up. She got up and sat on the bed next to her as the tears began to fall, listening to her between sobs.

"Why... why couldn't he just tell me..." Rukia buried her head in Orohime's lap, hands covering her eyes, her body shaking, "...why...."

"Rukia-chan...." Orohime held her close, stroking her hair, wishing there was something she could do for her friend. Thinking of nothing, she stayed holding her while she sobbed.

When Rukia's sobs subsided, the sky had become pitch black highlighted by wispy blue streaks of starlight.

"Kuchiki-san... I think he does care and he must have cared a great deal for your sister to keep such a promise for so many years. If he didn't he would not have protected you like he did today... it is very special to have someone who is willing to die to protect you..." a sad smile crept over Orohime's face. She thought of her own brother who had passed away, Sora who had fought the hollows that consumed him just so that he could protect his sister.

"...Inoue." Rukia saw the sad smile and the downward glance that Inoue gave, and immediately felt a pang of guilt for mentioning these particular feelings.

She had spent years in the Kuchiki household, but still had very little grasp of the man who had saved her life. She had a small gauge of his moods, which went from cold, to colder, but she had always sensed or perhaps hoped for a warmth there, which is what preserved her faith in him. She still felt foolish and insecure, but her hope gradually creeped back, slowly pushing away her proud anger.

Rukia let out a long deep breath and tried to swallow the conversation she had just brought up."Well... I'm glad I didn't call him a bastard to his face!" Both girls giggled."I guess I shouldn't have said that. He did save me after all... I still just wish he had told me. I'm grateful... I just...nevermind. Thank you for listening, Inoue."

"Of course, Rukia-chan. Well, I better get to bed. I have to help out Unohana Taichou in the morning, and you need your rest too! Rangiku-san and I might even cook for everyone tomorrow! Good night, Kuchiki-san."

"Ah. Good night, Orihime." After the door closed behind Orihime, Rukia picked at her food, drank some water, and lay in bed, her imagination taking over._ Inoue is right, he must have cared a great deal for my sister._ The idea that he could keep a secret for someone who passed away fifty years ago, was astounding. _He must have really loved her._

Rukia tried to imagine what he must have been like in a relationship, what he must have been like before losing someone that he loved. He was the high prince of Seireitei and he had married a girl from one of the lowest districts of Rukongai. Rukia knew he was different from most nobility, not extravagant in the least, and when he had adopted her, she had understood further that he was not as elitist as the rest... but for nobility and a captain of the Gotei 13 to marry someone so much lower in place with barely enough strength to stay alive... She had given up a long time ago trying to figure him out, but now with the truth in front of her she was once again fascinated by the mystery that was Kuchiki Byakuya, the life he led -_ with my sister._

_Hisana. Hisana. Hisana. That is your name. A sister. I had a sister. Hisana..._

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_**Notes: **__So there you have it! The refreshed first chapter. I merged the original chapters one and two into this chapter. I chose Inoue because really, Rukia has no women in her life that she can really talk to, also because I would like to see Rukia and Orihime become closer, though that may or may not happen in this story. _

_Thank you for reading! And reviews, complimentary or critical are welcome and appreciated!_


	2. Unfamiliar Grip

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_**Notes:**__ In this chapter I will present my first flashback. The notation will be using a horizontal ruler, but I will also say [start flashback] and [end flashback]. I was hoping to use spacing so I wouldn't have to write it like a screenplay, but the document editor won't let me. Which is a waste, because I've been writing it on my computer being space conscious. (grrr.) The space between words or paragraphs gives a sense of time, so, once you approach a horizontal ruler, please take a breath, pause and come back to what's afterwards. Typically in those two seconds that your eyes would jump down the page, you would have enough time for a breather, but since I can't create that look, just pause._

_Another type of flashback that I will use is the auditory flashback. Meaning, the character will hear something said by themselves or another. They will not visualize it, just think it. Most likely this will be something small that does not require a scene change so it will be denoted in italics and quotes like so: "flashback quote here." _

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**Chapter 2: Unfamiliar Grip**

He raised his hand to his face covering his eyes, blocking out the light, blocking out the reality that was now crushing him, despite his complete unreadiness to defend himself.

_Shit_.

Normally he could keep himself busy to escape emotions, but injured and unable to move, he was stuck alone with them.

_Shit. Shit. Shit! …..Shit._

Covering his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh, and feeling his insides turn, Kuchiki Byakuya thought, _What have I done? What am I doing? How did it get here?_

"_I will kill Kuchiki Rukia, with my own hands."_

He cringed at his own words ringing in his ears. _She probably hates me. She should hate me. So does he, so should he. You're a fool, Byakuya._

He clutched his hair, squeezing his eyes shut as if by sealing himself away from the light, he could make it all disappear. He stayed like this for a few moments, until the dull pain in his chest quickly turned sharp. He was being stabbed again. Reality refused to let him run away. Wincing, he opened his eyes and lowered his arm to relieve the pain from his wound.

He looked to his left at the pills on the table.

_You deserve this pain. This must be nothing compared to the pain you've caused her,_ he thought as he looked to his right, out of the window.

The golden hues of the sky were slowly turning to pinks and purples. _Those are the colors of your kimono, Hisana. Hisana... I'm so sorry. I had to tell her. I never thought it would turn out this way. I failed her. I failed you. I should have done something when the order was given, I should have tried harder. I've been such a fool!_

Byakuya's insides turned, his breathing weighted as he reflected on the entire mess, his mind wandering back to the day when he was called in to see the Captain Commander.

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"Can you complete this task, Kuchiki Taichou?"

"Yes Captain-Commander." He left the first squad building walking outisde into the open air. _Rukia, What are you doing? Don't you know you're going to get in trouble for this! Why didn't Ukitake tell me you had overstayed? Shit. I would have done something sooner. How thoughtless, Rukia. Renji won't be pleased to hear this._ He tensely made his way to the sixth squad building, thinking about what he would do, what he would say.

"Renji, I received an order from the Captain-Commander. We are to retrieve and arrest Kuchiki Rukia, under the charges of illegally extending her stay in the real world - and giving her shinigami powers to a human. Be ready to leave through the gate by 8pm."

"WHAT!? When did she... why is she..."

"That does not matter. You have your orders fuku-taichou."

Before Renji could even stand, Byakuya had turned away and walked into his office. _Why, indeed? Rukia, what are you up to?_

He stood in his office for some time, before he realized that he could not think here. He was about to arrest the very person he had spent so long trying to protect. He had placed her in Ukitake's squad. Furthermore, he had asked his sempai not to allow her to become an officer. Still, even as an unseated shinigami, she still managed to find herself in danger.

_This is no small crime, Rukia, don't you know that? You could be killed for this._

He sighed heavily as he got up and left the room. Renji was still in shock on the other side.

"Taichou! I don't think I can...I mean, Rukia is my best friend... I just thi-"

"Renji, I am going to return to the Kuchiki manor until our assignment tonight to prepare the gate and attend to other matters. Please do not bother me, unless it is necessary."

"Y-yes. Sir."

Before, leaving the building he added, "And Renji, I think it's interesting that the Captain-Commander assigned this to you and I. Perhaps if Rukia is to be punished as she should, maybe we should send another pair of shinigami? What do you think?"

"Taichou.... I see. I will meet you at the Kuchiki Senkai Gate at 8pm." With that, Kuchiki left the room and as soon as left the building, feeling the spring air on him, his nerves started to kick in. He immediately used shunpo trying to run from his thoughts, but they had outpaced him, running circles in his mind. When he reached the manor, his servants had greeted him, but instead of responding cordially, he dismissed them for the day and went straight to his office.

"Hisana. What do I do? What if she resists?" _I'm bound by law to kill her if she resists..._

Byakuya looked up at his deceased wife, but instead of finding the comfort he normally did when he looked at her face, he saw nothing but a picture. Sighing in defeat, he got up and left to attend to paperwork that he had put off. He had hoped for the distraction, but it didn't work.

_Dammit, Rukia, please, please don't resist me._

The rest of the evening passed faster than it should have. He ended up not doing much more than sitting at his desk staring out at the garden, and before he knew it, it was time to leave.

Byakuya slowly rose from his chair, picking up his zanpakutou and carefully put on his captain's haori as he glanced once more at Hisana's picture. He had sat there for so long, that he did not realize how dark it had become. Instead of seeing her face, Byakuya saw only the reflection of himself standing there in his uniform about to arrest his only remaining immediate family member.

He looked down at the white robes engulfing him. His duties as a captain were to kill her if she resisted... _Kill her. I can't do this. I cannot go there and kill her._

He looked at his reflection once more, staring at himself, his arms still grasping his haori. His eyes narrowed at the reflection, and in a flash, he removed his haori, slamming it down on his desk.

_If this is the last time I am to see her, then I will go as the one who vowed to protect her. I will not be her executioner!_ He let the haori go, turning his back on it before it could fall to the floor.

Walking out of his office, he walked through the sakura gardens, feeling the cool breeze on his face, it's chill reaching his bones freezing his spirit with the daunting task ahead.

He soon reached the cemetery and he walked passed his parents a thought flashed through his mind. He had remembered all of their admonition about having peasants in the Kuchiki household. He stopped and turned to face the stones. "I hope you're happy now." Continuing to walk, he felt the weight of failure stronger than ever before.

He reached the senkai gate to find Renji there, adjusting his robes, fidgeting with his zanpakutou. Renji looked how he felt. "Kuchiki Taichou. You're not wearing your hao-"

"Are you ready, Abarai fuku-taichou?"

"Yes." With a low grumble he added, "jerk."

Byakuya heard the grumble, but could only silently agree. The senkai gate opened, and soon they had quietly slipped into the real world. Standing in the sky, he looked down and could see a small raven-haired girl running through the streets.

_Rukia.... I had hoped I would not find you so soon._

_'Byakuya... nii-sama...' _those were her words of greeting to him. It did not go unnoticed that her first word of greeting was his first name only. Then came the title of brother. He knew what he was there for, and hearing those words come out of her mouth stung him more than he had anticipated.

He watched, unable and unwilling to move, as Renji attacked her, cutting her face. Renji was brave enough to stand up to this duty and soon he would have to as well. He praised Renji in his mind, looking at him softly, with admiration. He knew how difficult this must have been for him. He knew Renji had given Rukia up so she could have a better life. He empathized.

While he did not give Rukia up, he had gone through a great deal of effort to protect her. He had not let her finish her schooling at the academy, hoping that he could halt her talent, never expecting her to become as strong as she did without the proper training. He stood there watching - waiting for the moment when he would betray his promise to Hisana. He would soon trade in his promise to Hisana for his promise to his parents.

Ishida had shown up, he was curious to observe this boy. A quincy.

_Jeez Rukia, you sure know how to attract the strangest people._ Even if he wouldn't show it, he was always impressed by her way with people.

_What? Shiba.. Kaien!!!!_

His face did not show his surprise and before he could release his shock, the introductions were spoken.

_Kurosaki... Ichigo... Kurosaki!_

It made more sense to him now, this was the son of Kurosaki Taichou who had left the Shinigami long before he had become captain, but still, he was a legend. He watched as Kurosaki Ichigo fought on par with Renji, which angered him to some degree.

Though he had never shown it, and though he knew of Renji's resentment towards him, he held a great deal of protective affection for his vice captain. His anger towards Ichigo took over, and instead of saying what he felt, instead of saying what he wanted to Rukia, his first words were of admonition towards Renji, "You relaxed too much, Renji."

Byakuya winced as Renji attacked. He could see that Renji's anger was being directed completely towards Ichigo now. He continued to watch the scene unfold.

Marvelling at her tiny size, allowing her to swing on Renji's arm and stand on his back as though he were a mountain compared to her. He watched her, he had always enjoyed watching her. She was completely graceful when she fought, the violence in passion in her eyes even made her beautiful, far more beautiful than... he always stopped his mind there. I shouldn't be getting distracted by this now. Focus. He focused just in time, just enough to see Ichigo's reiatsu skyrocket, just enough to watch his vice captian take a few hits.

_Keep watching. Renji's still okay, it's still okay, why is he grinning!? ... Why is she looking at him like that! _

_Renji!_ He dashed to his vice captain's rescue..."Byakuya-nii-sama!!" _I see...so you've fallen in love with him._ A sadness filled his heart when he saw Rukia's eyes soften towards this boy. _Of course you would. He looks just like Kaien. Rukia... love like this... it's forbidden. You know this. Don't do this. _

The attacks were quick. He could see Rukia loved the orange-haired boy, and while part of him wanted to slaughter Ichigo, he was careful with her feelings, careful not to damage him in anyway that could not be repaired. _Urahara will figure this out. I can sense him nearby._

"You didn't need to step in for a such a weakling, Captain."

"Do not say that. Even my skills will rust if I simply stand and watch all the time." He smiled to himself. _Renji... you still have a far way to go. I'm not letting you take any unnecessary damage until you get there._

He watched her scream his name, run to him, get pinned by Renji feeling Renji's own anger and sense of made no sense. Why was she behaving so wrecklessly? Why did she love him so much!?

"Even though your crimes may worsen... you cannot bear not to go to him?"

_She really loves him. This mere human boy._

"...to this child's side? _I understand Rukia. I see._ "This child does closely resemble him."

It came out colder than he wanted it to. But then it happened.... when Ichigo had touched him, Rukia came to him, she defended him. He began to feel relief in her care for him, but quickly realized the falsity of it. She was protecting Ichigo. She tried to convince him not to deliver the last blow.

_Very well, Rukia._

He saw the tears in her eyes, watched her as she shouted at him, shouted at the boy he was certain that she loved, and he could not look back at Ichigo, for fear that this fiery discomfort inside of him would make him finish Ichigo. She was showing this boy affection. He would let her take one last look at him, Kurosaki Ichigo, her forbidden love.

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This is not what he wanted to remember. He didn't want to remember that feeling of hatred towards Kurosaki Ichigo for taking Rukia's powers, which threatened her life, but what was more, he hated him for taking Rukia's affection. An affection that in all of their years spent living together, he never once was on the receiving end of. His eyes widened in realization.

_Was I... am I... jealous!? Impossible. I have fallen very far indeed if such emotions are grabbing hold of me._

He paused, trying to push the thoughts out of his mind, but their hold was too strong. _... though, how could she have affection for someone who tries his hardest to avoid her. I'm sure she noticed it, she's not stupid._

_Abarai Renji has certainly grown since that time, his bankai was very impressive, I've never fought with anyone who _--- his thoughts cut off with a searing red flash. Every excruciating detail of his battle with Renji flooded back to him.

Renji who hated him for taking Rukia away, who hated him for not doing anything, and all he did was insult him, tell him that he could not touch him, put him down.

_Shit._

Solace was nowhere to be found. Every memory held some sin he was guilty of.

_He knew I was stronger, I was trying to get him to stop fighting. I should have known his love for Rukia would push him so far. Stupid fool, I put you in the holding cell after your fight with Ichigo for a reason. How must you feel Abarai Renji...knowing that the woman you love is obsessed with another... _

"_Please find my sister..."_

_I would have let the woman I call sister die, and almost killed my vice-captain..._

His heart rose in his throat and his eyes began to sting, a feeling very unfamiliar to him. Slowly feeling the trickle of a tear down his right side, he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw, cursing himself on the inside. Innocently he hoped that closing his eyes would shut the world out, but all he could see was Renji being devoured by Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, his blood spraying, and finally he had watched him slip into unconsciousness.

_I am disgusting._

His mind kept looping through the last few weeks. He had delivered Rukia's sentence to her personally. He didn't even soften it, he just read the report to her and walked away, as though she were nothing. It was his way of distancing himself, but also hoping that he could speak to her as a captain, not as her brother, so he could remove his feelings towards the situation. His mind went blank. vaguely he was thinking.... _you asshole._ His temper flared when he left the sixth squad holding cell, facing Zaraki and Gin, he almost killed Zaraki just at the mention of injuring Rukia.

He sighed to himself. This was too much, how had it come so far. He had gotten too caught up in making his parents proud... he stopped her rescue, he cut Shiba Ganju, he had attacked his mentors, Yoruichi and Ukitake, and he had been defeated by Kurosaki Ichigo... which, while it deeply wounded his pride, some small part of him felt grateful to the coarse ryoka boy.

Byakuya's stomach turned, his throat had an uncomfortable lump in it. He stared at the blank ceiling visualizing his every move since he had captured her, everything had gone down not as he had planned, everything he regretted. He went on like this for some time, just staring at the ceiling, his heart beating fast, the lump in his throat constricting his breath, his eyes fixed on his actions, and his mind burning from the effort of it all. Eventually, his mind could run in circles no more and finally wearied him, leaving him to stare blankly out of the window as night fell.

The stars had just come out, and before slipping into unconsciousness, Kuchiki Byakuya could hear the pitter patter of feet coming towards his room. He had listened to those tiny steps sneaking around the Kuchiki house late at night when she thought he could not sense her.

"Rukia..."

His desire to stay awake to see her, to perhaps say everything he was thinking, lost to the relief he felt in knowing that she was coming to him, to the relief of having hope that she may not hate him after all. His exhaustion took over, weighing him down into a heavy sleep before he could turn his head to hear the hesitant knock on his door.

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_**Notes: **Reviews please!_


	3. Guardian and Keeper

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_**Note: **Welcome to the new chapter three!! This one is actually an entirely brand new chapter. The previous chapters one and two were merged, chapter three became chapter two, and now we have a new chapter three! So, I hope I've made this announcement enough and everyone is up to date. I'll make it again at the beginning of chapter four. I think that should be enough. As usual reviews and comments both complimentary and critical are invited._

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**Chapter 3: Guardian and Keeper**

While the days events merited it wholly, and though she tried, Rukia could not fall asleep. After talking to Inoue, now instead of anger, it was curiousity that overwhelmed her.

She had spent so many years with barely a clue and having tasted the tiniest sliver of truth from the man she admired for so long, left her craving more, craving it all. Though her insecurities were still there, new windows had been opened in her mind, each bringing in a flurry of questions that consumed her focus.

Her logic ran in circles until she finally realized that making up answers and connecting the dots would be impossible. She had fifty years of space with only a few dots - it would be too difficult to connect. The only way to find out the truth, would be to talk to him.

_He at least owes me that much, right? I wonder if he's awake right now, he's probably been resting all afternoon like the rest of us. Although...I probably shouldn't bother him, but if I don't do it now, I'll lose my resolve. No, if I can't wait to ask him, if I lose my resolve, then maybe I didn't have it in the first place. Besides, you fool, what are you going to say to him? Ah. I'll just wait until there's a better time. Yes, that's what I"ll do. _

She inhaled deeply to calm herself staring at the ceiling holding the air in her lungs. Less than ten seconds later, she let the air out in an exasperated puff. Sheets crumpled beside her, carefully she made her way out of the bed, placing her feet on the bare floor. She paused to let the cold shiver through her, grateful that she was alive to feel it, letting it charge her steps towards the person who was responsible for her ability to feel.

She walked down the hall. It was completely silent, except for the tiniest sounds coming from the flicker of flames from the lamps on the wall. Such silence made her uncomfortable and she scurried towards her destination, the intensive care recovery wing.

When she reached his door, she read the name plate on the side. Just reading it sent the chills down her spine, she could feel her nerves in every bit of her body. She knocked once, barely, if one could call tapping a single finger a knock. Nothing. She scratched and tapped her fingers slightly again, this time a little louder.

_He would have been able to hear that. One more then I'm leaving._ She knocked with her knuckles ever so softly, but certainly audible.

_Hm. He must be asleep. I should go back._ She stood there, staring at the door. She looked down and could see the dim yellow light spilling onto her toes. _I wonder if… what if he doesn't have the strength to answer? _

Rukia quietly opened the door to Byakuya's room. Peeking inside, she saw him laying there, rigid and straight. It was the posture of someone who had been placed that way and in too much pain to do it themselves. Her eyes softened as she looked him. The injuries he had sustained were for her... _no, because of me_.

She walked up to his bedside and sat in a chair that had been placed beside it. He was asleep, but his expression was still slightly pained. He was sweating from fever, and his hair lay across his face and over his eyes.

"Why do you always hide your eyes?" she whispered. _What do you hide in them?_

She had a million things running through her head from the day, but somehow, they all fell silent in his presence. She could feel the strength of his reiatsu surrounding her like a protective blanket - a strength soft, even, heavy, warm... "Byakuya." She had said it aloud. She felt the slight rush of danger, the name on her lips loudly punctuating her actions. She had snuck out of her room, snuck into a restricted area, and had just addressed a noble and a captain without any titles. It felt good. She wanted to abandon all of the distance his titles created.

Rukia wanted to know what he thought of her, how he felt towards her, even if it was contempt at her weakness. She wanted truth.

When she had seen him approach her execution, her heart had lifted briefly, hoping that he would be the one to save her. When he looked away, she felt more alone and forsaken than she had ever felt before, even in all those years without a family. Even so, despite his coldness towards her, she had been grateful to him for something she could not name, her last words, unexpected, even for herself – _" thank you ...nii-sama." _

She had not known her thanks was pre-emptive. In an hour's time, he would be holding her close, pulling her from death's grasp. It was the first time he had ever touched her. To be pressed against his body was the first shock, to be holding him and supporting him in the next moment as he faced death in her stead was nothing short of unbelievable.

Those moments had passed so quickly with such a flurry around her, she had no time to absorb or retain any physical feeling of him. Thinking of it in his dimly lit room, she wanted to.

Rukia's hand trembled as she raised it towards his face, her fingers briefly retracting before deciding that it was safe to touch him. She brought her hand near his face to that which shielded his eyes. She brushed the hair from his forehead allowing her fingers to get caught in the silkiness of the strands. She delicately ran her fingers through them once more, allowing the tips to graze the skin along his temple, surprised at the warmth and smoothness they found.

She touched his brow - the brow, always furrowed and never once did she see raised in curiosity or laughter towards her. She felt a pang of sadness realizing that her curiosity and whatever indecipherable emotion she was feeling at the moment, was in all likelihood, entirely one-sided. She removed her hand and placed it on the bed.

She used to hope that he would show her some sign of affection, she had wanted his approval so badly, yet at the same time secretly hated him for having such a hold on her. But here he was, he had saved her and just that tiny piece, that tiny glimmer of hope, was enough to make her heart's affection swell to just a little bit bigger than it had been before.

She had been certain he would kill her. She told Renji as much in her holding cell. That he saved her surprised her greatly, and even more unexpected, it touched her.

Rukia sat there for some time, occasionally using the washcloth in the bowl on the table to wipe the sweat from his brow, making sure the blankets were pulled over him properly. Though it was new, she enjoyed

being able to touch him, as though it felt familiar, proper. She watched as the expression of pain slowly began to fade. Even asleep he looked powerful and noble, yet, he also looked kind and peaceful.

_Kind. I bet he wasn't always like this. I wonder what he was like when he was younger... I wonder what he was like when he had love..._

She looked at his body, bandaged completely, the only areas of exposed skin being his hands and face. She lifted her hand from the strands of hair on the pillow she had interwined her fingers in. She lightly grazed

her hand down his bandaged arm to the exposed skin of his hand. She touched him, fingertip to fingertip and held his hand gently in her own... just as she had earlier that day.

"Byakuya..." she said it again, this time with more warmth. Sleeping like this, she wanted to protect him She had never seen him like this before, and for once, did not see the noble, or captain, or the man that adopted her into his family for reasons unkown to her, but simply as a man, with a powerful heart that was torn between his duty not only to the law, but his parents and family, and to the person that he was inside.

For the first time, Rukia realized how much more fortunate she was than him.

She stayed by his side until she was sure that he was sleeping comfortably and eventually felt at ease, letting her own weariness overcome her. She let her fingertips play with the hanging strands of his hair one more time before leaving, wanting to memorize its softness, knowing she would never be so close again. She got up, her body ready to give out at any moment, and made her way back to her room where she finally slept the most contented sleep she had had in the last month.

* * *

His eyes opened slowly, his head turning to the side to the knock on the door. "Come…in…?"

It must have been a dream. It was morning. His sleep had passed in the blink of an eye. The door was glowing with the warm golden morning sun. "...Rukia?"

Now slightly more awake, he could feel her reiatsu lingering in the room. Perhaps it had not been a dream afterall. He sighed, he wondered what she had come in for, what she had wanted to say, and felt a small sense of regret that he had fallen asleep before he could see her. He looked at the palm of his hand, now turned up and curled as though someone had been holding it. It had not been a dream. He smiled to himself. Feeling a little lighter than before, he found the energy to sit up and look out the window.

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and he could hear the sounds of men shouting as they had already begun reconstruction of soul society. It was a new day. Everything was now out in the open. Aizen's secret had been revealed, soul society was no longer in a state of disarray, but instead one of preparation. His secret had now been revealed to Rukia and he could let the burden of the last fifty years go, hopefully starting something new.

It was no sooner that he had finished this thought, when his door opened. "Ohayo, Kuchiki Taichou. You're awake!! How are you feeling this morning?"

"Much better. Arigato, Unohana Taichou."

Retsu smiled sweetly, nodding in acknowledgement. "Kuchiki Taichou, there is someone outside who would like to see you. If you are not feeling up to visitors I will tell him to come back later."

_Him? I wonder..._"No, a visitor would be refreshing. Please show him in."

"Hai." Retsu peered out into the hallway, and made a beckoning motion. "Abarai-san, you may come."

_Renji!_ Abarai Renji timidly entered the room where his captain was resting. He thanked Unohana Taichou at the door before she showed herself out. In his arms he was carrying a small white parcel. Byakuya stared at him, waiting for him to say something, his face as cold as ever, hiding his nerves. He didn't know what to say to Renji, what could he say?

"Um... er...Kuchiki Taichou.... I brought your scarf."

The white scarf was always worn by the leader of the Kuchiki house. At the end of his fight with Renji, he had removed it from his neck and covered Renji with it before leaving. Excellent. That is what he had said. Indeed, he truly was. The man standing before him had grown immensely in his short time in the Shinigami.

"I'm sorry... it's ripped. Unohana Taichou removed a part of it to wrap my head wound...I can pay for it, or get you a new one..." Looking up at Renji now, he noticed the bit of white fabric tied around his forehead like a bandana.

Renji's face paled, and Byakuya smirked. "Don't worry about it Renji. The white suits you. Please, keep it. I can have a new one made."

"Taichou.... Arigato." Renji blushed. He knew what an immense compliment and honor it was just to have his captain remove the scarf and place it upon him, but to give him the scarf worn by the head of the Kuchiki household was almost more than he could process. They stood analyzing each other in silence for some time approaching understanding of what had passed between them, agreeing in their eyes that they would not mention it.

The images of what he had done began to play through Byakuya's mind again, and his shame made him break the glance first. His eyes motioned towards the chair by the door. "You do not have to stand for your entire visit."

"H-Hai!" Renji fumbled and quickly sat down on the chair, relieved that his captain was not kicking him out, but instead asking him to stay. They sat there awkwardly, Renji deciding he would leave when the next nurse came in to change Byakuya's bandages. Though, the first rounds had just been made and it would be some time until then. he pulled out a block of wood and a small knife and began to carve away. Carving what, he did not yet know, it just gave him something to do.

"Renji. Why are you here?"

"Because... I'm your vice-captain," he mumbled.

" 'Why am I alive?' That's probably what you're thinking." Renji looked up. Questions laced with insecurity and genuine inquisition were not typical coming from the man sitting before him.

"No Way! If you died, who would I look up to in order to become stronger? ... Captain.... I...." before he could finish his sentence they were interrupted by Ichigo and Inoue who were searching for Rukia. When they left, Renji stood for a moment, watching them outside before returning to his seat.

"Kurosaki Ichigo. What an interesting human."

"Ah." Renji motioned in agreement. They both looked after him, both feeling a gratitude towards him that they would never express.

Byakuya did not know what to say next. He knew that Renji was going to apologize, but that he had nothing to apologize for. "Renji, I did not know that you were so close to obtaining bankai. It is very unusual for one to learn to use it so well in such a short time. However, you must still learn to focus your reiatsu in the attacks. When my injuries heal, we will practice this."

Renji paused for a moment, in shock. Byakuya had completely dismissed his previous actions, and was even offering to help him become stronger. _No way! Was that a... it was! HE TRIED TO APOLOGIZE!!!! ...holy shit!_

"You should not show your shock so easily, Renji," Byakuya teased. "Could you please go and look for Rukia to make sure she is all right? Please do not tell her that I have sent you."

"Sorry! Yes! Arigato Kuchiki Taichou!" Renji stood straight, spun on his heels and left energetically to fulfill what felt like his first mission from his captain on his first day.

Byakuya looked after him, a small smile betrayed in the crinkle of his eyes. Renji had the bravery to follow his instincts, something he himself had tried to smother long ago. He would not show it, but he was now looking to his vice-captain's behavior for some small thread of guidance. He would need to learn to be honest with himself, he would need to change. He sighed and leaned back against his headboard staring dejectedly out of his window.

_Hmm. This will be...new._

* * *

_**Notes: **That's the end of the third chapter! Like I think I said, it's going slow, but hopefully it pays off. HOPEFULLY. I still don't know where this story is going. But not to worry, I will finish it, though I am sorry I cannot promise more of what's to come, but I hope you keep reading, and thank you for reading this much!_


	4. Assignments

* * *

_**Notes: **I hope everyone has been reading announcements! The chapter four you were waiting for is what is chapter three. Chapters one and two were merged, so everything was backshifted. _

_Okay, happy reading, and let me know how you're feeling about the story so far. I'd also like to thank every single person who has sent me a review. I can't even express how much they make my day! Whenever I write now, and I sort of get lost in the writing more than the story, your reviews are a wonderful way for me to keep touch with what the story will come across as, and it keeps me going. I have read them all a few times over!! And then, after the blushing goes away and I calm myself, I keep writing. ^-^ So, again, thank you so much!_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Assignments**

It was the incredible and undeniable urge to pee that woke Rukia up the next morning sending her bolting out of bed and down the hall to the girls bathroom, still half asleep. A few moments later she returned to her room, yawning and scratching her head.

She crawled back into bed and under the covers hoping to sleep just a little bit longer. Her body still felt extremely exhausted. She lay there for a few seconds, before covering her face with her pillow, blocking out the rays of sunlight creeping into her room. Unable to fall back into her dreamless stone sleep, she rolled over and huffed.

_So much has happened, I don't know where to begin. Am I still even a shinigami? I guess I could go find out. Hmm. What should I do?_

After some careful consideration:_ Thank yous. Thank yous are definitely in order. _

_How should I say it to him..._ After thinking about how to phrase the thank you to the man who made her feel deeply insecure and confused, she sighed. _Maybe it will come to me later. I'll go to the others first._ She got out of bed, and went back to the fourth squad bathrooms to take a quick bath. After finishing up, she changed into a purple kimono that was left for her, and made her way out.

Walking out into the fresh morning air, she tilted her head up towards the sun basking in the warmth spreading from her cheeks down to the rest of her small body. She raised her hands to her neck as she stretched her back, then reached to the sky rotating her arms back to her sides as if they were a pair of wings.

Her body felt free to truly move for the first time in a month. With a hop and a tiny skip she set out down the streets of Seireitei. She walked smiling, swinging her arms, full of cheer.

On all sides of her were shinigami bustling about.

_No doubt cleaning up my mess._

Continuing through the narrow and dusty streets she became self conscious of her yukata, purple and flowered, unlike the sea of of black fabric rustling around her. Rukia raised her right arm, gripping her left as she quickened her pace and stared at the ground. Her morning cheer faded as she noticed glances shot at her, of confusion, contempt, and pure dismissal.

_Kuchiki Rukia, the shinigami who didn't have to take exams, the shinigami who is a fake part of a noble house, the shinigami who made this mess and doesn't have to do anything to pay for her crimes. That's what they all must be thinking._ She continued to walk with her head bowed, trying to remain as hidden as possible. _Why does it have to be so far away from the central court?_

* * *

Ukitake Taichou was like family to Rukia, the head of the warm family of her thirteenth squad. She had not spent any real time with them since before her assignment to Karakura town. Her captain had stopped the Soukyoukou along with Ichigo.

How could she forget? She had plenty to tell him, plenty to ask, and she was sure that he would be the same - they had plenty to catch up on. If there was anyone she was truly sorry to for disobeying orders, it was her captain. Arriving at the Thirteenth squad headquarters, she immediately spotted him, Ukitake Juushirou laying by the river staring into the sky.

Without realizing it, she had burst into a run – "TAICHOOUU!!!" His very presence put her anxieties behind her.

Ukitake jumped up at the sound of the energetic and familiar voice."KUCHIKI!!" He ran to her opening his arms and greeted her, his large body embracing her in a warm tight hug. Her eyes widened until the comfort set in, a blush rising in her cheeks, she buried her face in his robes and hugged him back.

"Ukitake Taichou...Gomen. Gomen nasai...." tears welling in her eyes. She was finally safe, finally somewhere that made her truly at ease. His greeting had made her feel like her crime did not even exist. She had not been here for months, and while the sense of peace had become almost unrecognizable to her at first, it soon overwhelmed her as she cried softly in the arms of her captain.

When their embrace broke, Ukitake said to her, "Do not say such things Kuchiki. You have nothing to apologize for. Come, let's go inside, I will have Kiyone make us some tea. We have a great deal to talk about. You've had quite the adventure!"

Making their way inside, the pair sat down on the mats. Ukitake started by sharing everything that had happened while she had been on her assignment. He then caught her up on the politics of what had happened while she was in captivity.

Rukia had not realized the immensity of the disturbance her friends had caused until now. She in turn began to explain everything to her captain starting from the moment she left, her adventures with Ichigo, the wonders of high school, Kon, the Kurosaki family and all of the friends she made. Oddly, Rukia felt no shame in telling her captain that she had become friends with humans. Ukitake was not the type to judge, but to see things more clearly and with more understanding than others.

She skimmed over her capture by Byakuya and Renji, it being a somewhat unpleasant memory, but didn't fail to mention her surprise at Renji's becoming vice-captain. From there her captain was pretty much filled in so she skipped ahead and shared her story about Hisana.

Ukitake's reaction was a little less than she had hoped for. "Hmm... I see. That's interesting.... What a shame that you were never able to meet her...What a secret to keep..." Ukitake paused briefly before deciding to steer the conversation towards something else. He had been listening intently to her story, and when she had finished he presented the topic that had been weighing on his mind.

"I want to talk about your sister, but Kuchiki, when you were in the lethality stone, I could sense your reiatsu. I know you couldn't have been happy, and I could sense your worry for your friends, but at some point, I could no longer sense your will to live. I can certainly sense it now, but what happened? Rukia... why were you so ready to die?" His gaze focused intently on her, he looked like a young boy desperate for the answer to his question.

Rukia paused at this question. "Ukitake Taichou... a few nights before the execution I had a dream... I dreamt of what happened that night with Kaien-dono and Miyako-dono." Ukitake's gaze softened as he let her continue. "I am hideous Taichou... It is because of me that Kaien-dono is dead! And it would have been my fault if Ichigo had died as well. I had hoped the execution would come quickly after that. I hoped it wouldn't give Ichigo enough time to get strong enough just so he could be defeated... I never expected him to... I never expected you to..." she looked up at him, eyes glazed over... "Arigato, Ukitake Taichou."

He smiled kindly at her and replied. "Kuchiki, you are my subordinate, I will do whatever I can to protect you – even if it's from yourself. I think it is time that you release this weight and let yourself really live again." Rukia's eyes became downcast, she knew where he was going. "Kuchiki, look at me. It is NOT your fault that Kaien died that night. He would have wanted it that way. You cannot carry this burden any longer. However, I fear that my words alone will not ease your spirit. Take this." He handed her a piece of parchment. "These are the directions to the Shiba-house. I think it is time that you spoke with them."

Rukia stared at the piece of paper with dread and resolve all at once. It was time. She had the dream. She was lucky to still be alive, and so she would not put it off any longer, though she still felt immense dread and didn't want to. Ukitake read the look and switched topics before she could respond.

"Good. Now then, let's talk about Byakuya."

The subject itself being so sensitive at the moment and so lightly brought up elicited a half scolding half gasping, "Taichou!!"

Ukitake laughed jovially. "Oh, come on Kuchiki, I'm sure you want to punch his lights out after finding out about all of that. Come on, just tell me how you're feeling, get it out. I've wanted to punch him plenty of times in the past..." Ukitake wistfully looked up, imagining himself punching Byakuya, laughing at the absurdity of himself being so meaninglessly violent.

"Well... um...." and Rukia spilled, in more eloquent terms than she did to Orihime, her feelings of insiginificance and insecurity concerning the sixth division captain. "Yet, Taichou, I don't know what to do. I can't deny, that while I feel gratitude, I also feel angry with him. I don't know how to speak to him, what to say. Where do I go from here..."

"I see. Your brother wasn't always like this. When he was in my squad and even when he was younger, he had quite a bit of fire to him, though, he was always arrogant. I think you should give him another chance. Actually, on that note, there is something else I wanted to bring up with you." Rukia tilted her head to the side looking at him quizzically.

"I have spoken with Captain-Commander Yamamoto, and it has been agreed that you may return to be the Shinigami of Karakura Town -" Rukia gasped, a squeal of excitement waiting to burst before Ukitake put his hand up to silence her, "However, with Aizen's whereabouts still unknown, you must become much stronger before returning to the real world." He paused, bracing himself for the reaction she would have to his next words. "I would like you to return to the Kuchiki manor to train with Kuchiki Byakuya. He has been ordered by the Captain-Commander to take time off, during which he will no doubt train. You are to return home to train with him, and I think given your talents, and your knack for getting into trouble, he will be an excellent teacher for you."

Rukia's face went blank. She could not believe what she was hearing.

"But! Ukitake Taichou! Can't you train me! Can't I stay here!! It will take me too long at home, he won't be of any help! He doesn't even speak to me! I'm not ready to face him! He'll just depise me more, that stupid Byaku-" the look on her captain's face with the raised eyebrows warned her not to begin down the path her mind had started to take, because what he was telling her, was not a request. It was an order. She stopped, and grunted in defeat. Folding her hands in her lap, she looked down and said "Hai, Taichou."

"Wonderful! It's all settled then! Well, it's getting late, the sun is about to set, you had better head over to the Shiba house. I have a few things I need to speak to Kyouraku Taichou about too." They both rose from their seats, Rukia bowing on her way out, Ukitake ruffling her hair before sending her on her way. Despite the orders she had been given, a sense of warmth and comfort washed over her as she walked through the familiar grounds of her squad. _I missed home._

* * *

_**Notes:** So, this chapter started out well, I wrote it a while ago, but then I just edited it and now I think it's super crappy. I'm so sorry! But either way you get the idea of what has happened. I think I might go back and make a revision to it at some point. But for now, I've been trying to edit chapters for posting so I haven't really taken the story much further.... soo... it might be a while before I edit this one. _

_To make up for the crappy chapter and slow moving plot, I decided I'd give you the next chapter as well... I hope you like it. Again, sorry about this craptastic chapter!_


	5. River of Memories

* * *

_**Notes:** So, this chapter started out well, I wrote it a while ago, but then I just edited it and now I think it's super crappy. I'm so sorry! But either way you get the idea of what has happened. I think I might go back and make a revision to it at some point. But for now, I've been trying to edit chapters for posting so I haven't really taken the story much further.... soo... it might be a while before I edit this one. _

_To make up for the crappy chapter and slow moving plot, I decided I'd give you the next chapter as well... I hope you like it. Again, sorry about this craptastic chapter!_

_**Notes: **Okay, so I'm making up for the last chapter being short and kind of off, so I'm giving you this next one. _

_Also, I love getting your reviews! I secretly love all of you for them (well, now it's not a secret). You guys are awesome. :) _

_I hope you like it! Oh, and there are lots of page-breaks and flashbacks in this one. Just a heads up._

* * *

**Chapter 5: River of Memories**

Byakuya moved his arm in circles, checking his range of motion. A little more than a day had passed, and his condition was surprisingly much better. He had a visit from the Captain-Commander who received wind of the story that he told to Rukia from Unohana. The Captain-Commander was not someone he expected to react to it, however, his orders suggested otherwise.

* * *

_[start flashback]_

"Kuchiki Taichou, due to your recent injury and...personal affairs, I am temporarily suspending your rights as a captain until you have recovered and things are sorted out. The others will be told that you are taking leave. I have also arranged for your sister, Kuchiki Rukia to take some time off as well, given the stressful situation she has endured. While you are both on leave, I would like for you to take it upon yourself to help Kuchiki Rukia regain her shinigami powers." Byakuya's eyebrows raised.

"It is no small feat that she has survived carrying the Hougyokou in a reiatsu splitting gigai for so many months. It is a testament to her potential, and I expect you will train her with that in mind." Byakuya's eyebrows remained raised. This was very sudden for him, and without thinking, he agreed. Without waiting for acknowledgement Captain-Commander Yamamoto left the room, peeking behind himself with a smirk on his face.

_[end flashback]_

* * *

He had expected a sentence like this and made up his mind earlier that he would spend the time training, but hadn't expected to be ordered into being isolated with Rukia. _This is ridiculous. Why do they meddle. This had nothing to do with them. Why couldn't they just leave it alone?_ He stared out of his windows, eyebrows furrowed, contemplating the situation now ahead of him.

* * *

Fourth squad captain Unohana Retsu sighed at her desk. The fourth squad had been incredibly busy with all of the wounded from the attacks. It was time for her to take a break. She thought she might go and check up on her patients, a small pleasure that she was no longer expected to want as a captain.

Unohana got up from her desk, left her vice captain in charge and took a lamp to make the midnight rounds. She moved cautiously towards the quarters of her peer - sixth squad captain Kuchiki Byakuya. She opened the door only to find a folded pile of the hospital outfit and bandages. "Of course."

* * *

The night air was cool, a welcome change from the stuffy hospital. His ribs and chest were still sore, making it difficult to breath, slowing him down, but he didn't mind. He could use the time to think.

He walked under the clear sky, stars twinkling like fresh snow, feeling the breeze blow against him as he walked towards his mansion. Byakuya stopped in his tracks, too tired to fight anything anymore, even the wind. Wanting brief solace before he had to face his future, and conform to the molds he had made for himself, he decided to let go, letting the wind take him wherever it may. He paused, closing his eyes, so he could feel it's direction. He opened his eyes. _Rukongai. A_ smile on his face at the irony.

His destiny always seemed to bring him back to this place, no matter how noble or accomplished he became.

_Simple. It should be this simple._

He headed towards the gates of Seireitei, curious to see how the rest of Soul Society had reacted to the events. He walked towards the gates, his steps even, he was moving in a rhythm that was entirely his own, without any thought. His body was going through the motions, step by step, a numbness in his mind, a numbness letting him feel the breeze and see what was before him, as though he was nothing more than part of the world, not a cog that was forced to help move it. As he left through the gates, the numbness mixed with the unfamiliarity of the streets before him took hold and his mind went blank, drifting in its past and present.

* * *

_[start flashback]_

"Too slow! You're tilting your body too far forward!" In one fell swoop she had swirled her arm over his hand knocking him in the lower back before he could even see it.

"Again! This time run with your entire body. Go!" He ran at her, teeth gritted, sweat dripping down his brow, his entire body aching from the effort. Again, from the time he swung to the moment he passed her, she had spun around him in a circle, flipped over his head, and attacked him from the other side knocking his legs out from beneath him bringing him to his hands and knees.

"Ha ha! good! You got past me!" She grinned at him from below, her amber eyes gleaming with joy. "That's good enough for today."

"But, Yoruichi-sama! My attack didn't connect even once! Please, let's try again"

"Little Byakuya, you really shouldn't try so hard to hit women. That's not very noble, eh?"

"Psh. You're no woman. I swear, Yoruichi-sama one of these days I will beat you."

"Gah! You're so serious! Lighten up! Go outside and play!"

"But I want to --AHHH!!! " He dodged a bright blue flash of light that crashed into the wall behind him, not an inch from his head.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Little Byakuya! Go Play!... Byakurai! Byakurai! Byakurai!"

"AAHHHH!! OKAY! OKAY! I'M GOING! I'M GOING!! STOOOOOPP!!!" He ran out of the door listening to Yoruichi-sama laughing loudly behind him. "YOU'RE CRAZY!! WHY DID THEY LET AN OLD CAT LADY LIKE YOU BACK IN HERE ANYWAY!!" Escaping before she could scold him for what he said, Byakuya bolted out of the door.

She walked outside, leaning on the doorframe, watching him running and laughing wildly before he fell flat on his back underneath the cherry blossom trees. _He has talent. He doesn't need to work this hard, they don't need to push him this much. He should be learning how to make friends, not fight enemies._

Byakuya lay underneath the white blossoms, slightly tinted with pink, watching birds and butterflies fly throughout the Shihouin garden.

_Peaceful Little Byakuya. You're all talk. How will you handle your first experience with bloodshed? You are a noble... you must become a shinigami... how will you handle this responsibility?_ From the doorway Yoruichi watched him climb trees and making friends with the birds in the branches. _So gentle, Byakuya. I worry for you._ "Oy! Little boy! Wanna play tag! I bet you can't catch me!"

Byakuya popped up from his tree branch at the challenge, jumping down to the ground. "Who can't catch you? You're just an old cat lady," Byakuya smirked.

"Gah!" Yoruichi threw up her head as she scoffed. "We'll see who runs like an old lady. I'll beat you to the front gate. Ready? GO!" She was off in an orange and black flash.

"Hey! You didn't even wait.... YORUICHI!" Byakuya followed behind her, determined to tackle and attack his sempai. He could hear her laughter trailing behind her, teasing him, angering him, fueling him to catch up with her. "You old bag, I swear I'll beat you," he laughed. Byakuya enjoyed his summers at the Shihouin mansion. Yoruichi-sama was always casual with him, she brought out the playful side of him. It was a relief from the rest of the year, where he was always just looked at as the prodigy child of the Kuchiki.

When he reached the front gate, he saw his target. She was standing still with a tall and short member of the Secret Mobile Corps, her face wiped of all traces of play. Concerned he sped up to her side. "Yoruichi-sama...?"

Almost having forgotten she was in the middle of a game, she turned to him, "Eh, look at that. I guess you're the one who runs like an old lady." She smiled with her devilish grin at him. "Byakuya, I have some business to attend to. It appears the new Captain Urahara has found himself in some trouble. I will be back this evening before your parents arrive to pick you up. In the meantime, you can practice your shunpo with Soi Fon." She gestured to the short guard in front of her. "Soi Fon, this is Byakuya, you two get to know each other and play."

"Yes, Yoruichi-sama! But, shouldn't I be practicing to get stronger, instead of playing with..." Soi Fon looked at Byakuya, a skinny adolescent, not much older than herself, but still, he didn't look like much. Byakuya's pouted and crossed his arms, clearly offended.

"Ha ha! Soi Fon!" Yoruichi chided. "Playing is important too! Besides, I wouldn't underestimate Byakuya. If you like, you can look at it as practice. His shunpo is excellent." Byakuya turned up his nose and rolled his eyes as if to say 'Of course it is.'

"Sumimasen! Yoruichi sama!" Soi Fon bowed in front of Yoruichi.

"Yeah, yeah it's fine. Okay, go play. I will see you two this evening."

Byakuya led Soi Fong back to the southern gardens of the Shihouin mansion. "Aren't you a little bit young to be part of the SMC?" he asked her.

Soi Fon answered politely, and the two talked and soon were chasing one another around in the gardens. Byakuya found a worthy opponent in her and both enjoyed beating each other up just a little too much for normal children. They ran for most of the day, taking breaks to sit by the stream, talk about training techniques, Yoruichi, the noble world, politics, and everything that two future leaders could be expected to talk about.

They climbed trees and chatted until nightfall, playing and actually laughing, until a deep bellow came from within the mansion.

"BYAKUYA!!! COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!!"

Byakuya fell from his tree branch in shock. "Ah! Oompf!!" He hurried to his feet, brushing off the twigs and dirt. "I'm sorry Soi Fon, I have to go! That's my father! I forgot that my parents are coming tonight! I'm going to be in trouble for not being there to greet them! I bet Yoruichi is back too. Come on!" The two ran from the gardens into the mansion, blushing and covered in twigs and dirt.

Upon entering they stopped short in front of Yoruichi and a tall dark haired man, clearly nobility. Yoruichi bent down to Soi Fon's eye level, grabbing her skull bringing the blushing girl's face up to her own. She turned her head and examined the blossom petals and twigs stuck in the young apprentice's hair.

"Oy! Soi Fon! Look at you! You're a mess!" Yoruichi chuckled.

"Gomen Nasai! Yoruichi-sama!" Yoruichi let go of her head and crossed her arms.

"Gomen-nothing! I like it! How come you never play with me like that!?" Yoruichi pouted. "Hmph. I'm kind of jealous."

"I'm sorry, Yoruichi-sama. In the future I will do my best." Soi Fon looked down in utter apology.

"Gah! You're so tense! I'm glad you finally had some fun. Come on, let's go take a bath, we have a mission in the morning."

"A... bath... you mean...together????" Soi Fon looked up in surprise.

"Together?? Well.... yeah. Of course!! I just got these new bubbles from the real world they are supposed to smell like something called cotton candy! Come on! Come on!" Yoruichi grabbed Soi Fon by her collar dragging out the dazed guard.

"Uh... bye! Byakuya!"

"Bye! Soi Fon!" Byakuya shouted after her. He watched the pair leave the room, knowing that he would try to prolong, for as long as he could looking at the man in front of him.

" 'Byakuya???' Did that servant girl really just address you as 'Byakuya!!' How many times do I have to tell you not to interact with those lower in class than you! It is disgraceful for a noble to be behaving in such a manner! Byakuya! Are you listening to me!"

"Yes... father. But, she's not a servant girl, she is a guard in training," he protested.

"I do not care! She is below your rank and as such you should not be seen galavanting with such people! Is that understood!?"

"Yes, father." Byakuya gritted his teeth in anger. He couldn't say exactly why, but he hated these rules, he felt like they were wrong. Kuchiki-san eyed his son, watching the boy swallow his obvious frustration. Deciding that perhaps he had been a little too harsh, he dismissed him.

"That is all. Be packed and ready to leave in the morning. You're mother is waiting in the other room. Get rid of that sour face before you greet her. And Byakuya... you will not be returning to the Shihouin mansion for the summers any longer since you cannot conduct yourself."

Suppressing his anger and strong desire to argue, he let it go, hoping it was just a bluff. "Yes, father." Byakuya left and greeted his mother warmly. She could tell there had been an argument between the two men in her life, and not one to interfere, she had said nothing, but tried to comfort her son, though Byakuya began to tire of her passive stance. He excused himself and went to his room, packing his things for what would be his last summer at the Shihouin mansion.

_[end flashback]_

* * *

Byakuya continued to walk through the streets of Rukongai, reflecting on his youth, on his parents and their views.

_You wanted me to become strong, but this... following the rules like this, it isn't strength, it's just pride under a cloak of justice. Father, why couldn't you ever see that?_

He passed by ramen stations, stopped as children, still awake in the late hours of the night, ran past his feet. He watched as a young girl with short hair and a young boy with spiky hair chased one another playing tag, heading towards the river. His gaze lifted looking to the stars and flowers floating down the quiet stream. He walked closer towards it, to the docks, his mind drifting again with the flow of the river.

* * *

_[start flashback]_

Years had passed since his last visit to the Shihouin mansion. He had finished his studies at the shinigami academy just a few weeks ago, at the beginning of the summer. Today was his birthday. His one-hundred and twenty-fourth birthday, though, he looked no older than nineteen. He was staring out of his window at the river when he heard a gentle knock on his door. He turned his head down and to the side, "Enter."

A tall, dark haired graceful woman entered the room. Her hair was long, almost to her knees, filled with combs and jewels. "Stoic as ever, I see," she giggled.

Byakuya turned around to greet her. "Oh! Hello, mother. I thought you and father weren't returning until next week?"

"What, and miss my only child's birthday? Nonsense." She made her way to another window, and sat on the bench beneath it. She placed her hand gently on the space next to her, motioning for him to come closer. Byakuya crossed the room and sat next to his mother, rigidly, hands in his lap.

The woman brushed the hair out of his eyes, and ran her fingers along his sleeve, pinching the fabric between them. She sighed. "When will you learn to dress in more appropriate clothing. No one would be able to tell that you were the prince of this house, not when you dress like a servant."

"I like these clothes. They're more comfortable."

"Yes, servant's clothes are made to move around... I suppose it doesn't matter. You will be moving around plenty, from what I've heard." Byakuya looked at her in surprise. "Oh, don't give me that look. Top scores in your class in kidou and swordsmanship. Absolutely wonderful!" She cupped her son's cheek in her hand. "Your father tells me that you'll be starting in the thirteenth squad in a few months. You'll be under Ukitake Taichou. He is a wonderful man, his family and the Kuchiki's have been close for centuries. I have a feeling you will like him."

Byakuya waited for her to continue and when she did not, he attempted to end the conversation. "Thank you for coming to see me, I app-" He was cut off by a sigh.

"Byakuya, I am not finished. Your birthday is not the only reason I am here are aware, that by family rules, every Kuchiki leader is to wed by his one-hundred and twenty-fifth birthday?"

"Yes, but I am not a leader, father is. So, there is no need for me to wed." He did not like where this conversation was going.

"Byakuya, your father and I are getting to be very old, and your father's health is in very poor condition. Our visit to the doctor.... well, he may not be around much longer. Your father and I would like to see you head the Kuchiki household before we pass on."

Byakuya's eyes widened in part shock, part horror.

"Please don't look at it that way. There will be a ball this evening to celebrate your birthday. We have invited a number of eligible young women for you to meet with." His lips parted, clearly in silent protestation. "You don't have to choose anyone tonight, but it is a start. You have one year until your time to wed runs out. If you do not marry by then, rule of the Kuchiki house will be removed from the bloodline. Please, Bya-chan. Do this for us?"

His mother looked at him, hope and desperation in her eyes. He could see, clearly, that she wanted this just as much as his father did. Not one to refuse her, he responded, "I will try."

Tears streamed down her eyes in joy as she reached over to hug him. He didn't move, he was in far too much shock. "Please, mother, if you'll excuse me, I need to do some things before the ball this evening."

His mother let him go, smiling, wiping the tears from her eyes, she looked at him and said, "Thank You. This means everything to your father and I." She got up slowly, pressed a kiss to her son's forehead and left the room. He watched behind her until she was out of sight.

_Marriage!? They're insane!! What am I going to do... I don't want to end up with one of those noble girls, they're so...deplorable. They're all completely shallow. They want to stick me with someone like that for eternity!? This is terrible!_

* * *

That evening, the ball went according to plan. Byakuya was forced to dance with every girl he met, and each blushed as the handsome young man glided them gracefully across the dance floor. As he danced, he could feel the whispers and giggles at his back, following him everywhere he turned.

_This is ridiculous. They're all a bunch of gossipy giggling harlots._

After his fifteenth dance he walked away from the ballroom, straight into the gardens. As he walked hurriedly he removed his noble robes, and all marks of his nobility. He had walked, quickly and harshly forward, all the way to the estate walls. He couldn't stop there. He needed to run, to get away from this place. He walked into the guard tower, grabbed a cloak, and set out of the southern gate.

He roamed by the river, across from the poorer districts of Rukongai. Looking over, what he saw were docks filled with warm firelight, and laughter, men and women falling all over each other. It was not noble by any means, all of their behavior was completely inappropriate. He would never see such behavior inside noble walls, but they looked happy, and so he enjoyed watching them on nights like these, nights where he wished he was like the rest of the world and not the son of the most noble house in Soul Society.

He continued to walk along the river.

_How am I supposed to escape this, what do I do? Is love something that you just grow into? How will we spend centuries together, just based on formality. Is my entire life going to be this way?_

Byakuya sat down in exhaustion, staring across the river to the blackness of an empty dock. He thought hard, his heart filled with despair, he did not know what to do. He did not know where to go, so he just rooted himself, right to that spot. He leaned against the cherry blossom tree behind him and looked at the reflections of stars flowing through the river. He slid down to the ground as he looked up through the branches at the moon, consulting the opal orb for advice.

Looking up at the branches of the cherry blossom trees, he watched the wind swayed the flowers above him. It was the middle of the night by now, surely. The ball must have been over. He considered returning to his mansion, hopefully his parents would be asleep.

When started to rise for his walk back, a strong gust of wind came from above him, pushing down on him, covering him with blossoms. He looked up at the tree, and as though in an instant, at the beckoning of the night breeze the blossoms had left the tree and were now floating over the river as though teasing the water to catch it's petals. The stars looked like icicles on the tipes of the current, easily escaping the petals, never quite within their reach. He watched as the pink cloud circled over the dock opposite him and as if in acceptance of a dance, a small flame came to life on the dock. Mesmerized by the beauty of the scene before him, Byakuya sat back down, eager to learn more about this fire the blossoms left him for.

He watched and from what he could make out, there was a young girl with short hair giggling and laughing as she setup the fire. Across from her sat a spiky haired red headed young man. He watched as the two pulled food from a basket and cooked over the fire, chatting, and laughing.

Byakuya sat back down watching the pair. He watched her carefully, he could not quite make out her features, but from a distance, she appeared to glow to him and if he could make out nothing else, it was the sparkle of her large eyes in the moonlight. He watched her yell at the red haired boy, he watched her, full of life, no timid giggles, just pure laughter. She was pure. He had never seen anyone like her.

_... Beautiful... I want someone like her.... What am I saying? Someone like her? She's a peasant... _

He sighed at himself. What am I doing? He layed on the grass, looking up at the now empty branches at the moon. He could see the flicker of the fire in the corner of his eye. He thought about her, what her fire was like up close. He watched her from the corner of his eyes occasionally, but content just to hear her laughter carried through the breeze. He thought about a life in Rukongai, free of noble responsibilities. He thought of what it would be like to meet her, how he could have met her. He thought and thought until soon his thoughts carried him into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Excuse me? Mister? Excuse me, sir??" A soft voice was calling to him, he felt a gentle shake. He opened his eyes slowly, letting the sunlight in. "Sir? Are you all right?"

He let his eyes adjust to the light, and he saw her.... "You...."

"Me? I'm sorry, I don't recall having met you… My name is Hisana, what's yours?"

_[end flashback]_

* * *

Byakuya heaved a heavy sigh, akin to one of anxiety. He had reached the Kuchiki house, he had walked by that dock, that river bank. He looked up at the Kuchiki mansion.

_I wonder how many other secrets you hold. _

* * *

_**Notes: **Well??? What do you think!?_

_It's moving so slowly... I know.... but there's so much I want to create and extract from Byakuya's character which is why I'm not rushing... That and I'm just way too wordy. It's a really long chapter that I would have liked to split into two, but there was really no place to do it without interrupting the flow. I'm actually at the 20,000 word mark in the story (written, not posted), so I think in order to get back into the story and start moving the plot ahead, I'll try to post as much of what I've written as possible. :) So far it's all pretty tame story, nothing to regret writing, yet._

_Well, I have become addicted to your reviews, so please keep sending them!! _


	6. Face to Face

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_**Notes: **Hi all! Here's the next chapter, for your enjoyment. Thank you for your responses to the last two, and a special thank you to lilangel for not thinking that chapter four was crappy. I'm really glad you liked it (I wish you had an account so I could reply!) Actually after my brief scolding, I don't think I'll ever call one of my chapters crappy again! Ha ha! Seriously though, I really appreciated it. :) But, no one should feel left out because I love all of your comments, and to those of you that I cannot respond to, still, many many many thanks. For those of you who have added me or my story to favorites and alerts, also big thank yous! It's amazing, I started writing this story so I could really create a true ByaRuki romance, but now I think I'm doing that and just writing it for you guys, lol._

* * *

**Chapter 6: Face to Face**

After dinner at the Shiba clan, Ichigo, Inoue, and Rukia walked back to the fourth squad together. The two were exchanging their stories of what happened in their time apart. Ichigo's face had turned bright red when Inoue told him about Ishida's bashfulness in changing in front of a girl and ended sharing the story of his various "flashes" with Yoruichi.

As the two chatted merrily before leaving to return to the fourth squad, Rukia had decided that she needed some mental breathing room after having faced what remained of the Shiba family and hung behind the two, deciding to sleep in her old quarters in the thirteenth squad. She would sleep there tonight, close to her memory of Shiba Kaien. He always had good advice to give her. Maybe she would wake up just a little wiser.

Right now he was on her mind more than any other. She wished she could be near him. She missed him. Ichigo was similar, but still young. No one person could replace another. She knew that well enough. Knowing it made the truth of his death sting her strongly, and stung her even more after having faced Kuukaku and Ganju. It hadn't helped. Her nerves were on fire and she felt the pressure of guilt constricting her heart. She was the one who took him away from them. Rukia sighed and her shoulders slumped, her face to the ground kicking pebbles aside as she walked behind her friends.

Orihime had thrown her a few concerned glances, but was too smart to say anything now, in front of Ichigo. She preferred it that way. She could tell Orihime was trying to distract Ichigo as much as possible so he wouldn't prod.

_Orihime is so kind..._Rukia smiled weakly to herself. ..._She's just like Miyako-dono... _her shoulders slumped further and she let out a long sigh.

Rukia arrived at the fourth squad to gather her things and say good night to Inoue and Ichigo. She would be sending her friends off the next day, but still needed the time to think. Her urge to be near her squad was too strong to ignore. On her way out, she walked by Byakuya's room. It was cracked open. Peeking into the room, she found nothing but his folded bandages and hospital robe.

_Perhaps he heard about our orders to train... He probably wants as much time away from me as he can get...This is going to be miserable. He thinks Renji is a weakling and he's going to be stuck training me...oh god... _

Her anxiety forced her to quickly walk away from the room, hurrying towards the thirteenth squad, desperately seeking it's shelter.

Before she realized it, Rukia had broken into a run – her mind pierced with fear and insecurity. Her heart beating hard in her chest from the sudden rush of adrenaline, she ripped open the screen to her room, slamming it behind her, trying not to let it all in. She paused, then turned abruptly jumping into her futon, burying her face into her pillow, letting out a loud groan of frustration.

She remained still for a moment.

_Wait a minute... I haven't been here in months... why is my bed out?_

"So, it went that well, huh?" The voice sent Rukia flying through the air, spinning around to face it.

"UKITAKE TAICHOU! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!! _Dammit! Ichigo and Kon's stupid foul mouths are rubbing off on me!! _"...uh...um...I mean! I mean, you startled me!" Rukia's face paled and she looked down in embarrassment as her eyes darted around the room and she stuttered, "I..uh... how come you're in my room?"

Ukitake laughed, "Yeah, I guess this looks a little awkward, doesn't it? I couldn't sleep then felt a massively panicking reiatsu approach my squad. No one panics like you do, Kuchiki! So, I came to set up your room for you. I just finished setting up the bed and was putting the tea on the table. You ran a little faster than I expected! Anyway, I will leave you to your thoughts." She looked at the side table and sure enough, there was a tray of tea -- with two cups.

Rukia smiled to herself as she realized his not so subtle plot. "Ukitake Taichou, would you mind staying to talk for a while?" she asked teasingly and monotonously. It was certainly inappropriate for a captain and subordinate to be speaking in personal quarters at 12am, but she didn't really care.

"Of course, Kuchiki!" Ukitake plopped himself down on the floor cushion without a moment's hesitation, completely expecting the invitation.

Rukia sighed. She told him about seeing the Shiba family. "Well, what did they say?" he prodded carefully.

Rukia laughed sarcastically, "What did they say? Nothing really. Kuukaku-san punched me for apologizing then forced me to eat! She didn't even let me finish apologizing properly..." Rukia looked up at her captain wondering if she should go on. "Kuukaku-san also said that you told her everything right afterwards..." she looked at Ukitake expectantly. Nothing. "...about how I was in love with Kaien-dono and it was hardest on me? Sound familiar?"

Ukitake laughed nervously, "It's been a long time Kuchiki." Though they were sitting in the dark, Ukitake could make out her eyebrows raised at him with slight annoyance. Again, he laughed nervously, waving his hands in denial, "I really don't remember exactly what I said back then! Honest!"

Rukia was satisfied. He hadn't apologized, but his words were dripping in guilt, that was enough of an admission for her. "Ukitake-Taichou... I was never in love with Kaien-dono." This time his eyebrows raised. "I loved Kaien-dono, certainly, and I was drawn to him... I clung to him.... being around him was ...easier than..." her words trailed off as she turned to look outside.

Ukitake closed his eyes in understanding and paused briefly giving her the time to say something else. "By the way – how is Byakuya doing?" His eyes still closed, he waited for her gentle reprimand.

Gasping at his ability to read her thoughts, Rukia's head spun around to face him. His eyes were closed as he awaited her answer. He looked serene in the moonlight. A denial was on her lips, but it was no use. "I-I don't know. When I walked by his room this evening he was gone."

Ukitake opened his eyes to look at her. She gave him an apologetic smile before looking down to swirling the remains of her teacup.

There was a long silence before Rukia sighed and looked up. "Seriously, he's already dreading training me. Why else would he leave so soon, when he's injured like that? This is going to be miserable!" She gave an exasperated sigh, and looked at her captain. "Do I _really_ need to do this?"

Ukitake inhaled deeply and sighed in return. "Kuchiki, I doubt he's dreading it. Hmm...Well, actually, if I know your brother, I would say he's probably just as nervous to face you as you are to face him. I would not think too much of it." She still looked completely unconvinced. "Besides, I'm sure he needed to get out for a little while. He's not one to let himself stay injured, or believe he's injured, even if he is. Anyway, don't dwell on it. Tomorrow will come whether you like it or not, and it will disappear just as quickly." He smiled down at her reassuringly, placing his cup of tea on the tray.

Rukia nodded. That much was true. Byakuya's pride really never allowed him to let anyone see him hurt. She knew that much.

"And if we're going to make it through tomorrow, We had better get some rest." Ukitake leaned from where he was sitting, placing his hand on her shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze before taking her cup and setting it down in the tray.

"Good night, Kuchiki." He picked up the tray and turned to leave.

"Ukitake Taichou?" she called after him.

He turned to face her, "Yes, Kuchiki?"

"Thank You. For everything."

He smiled at her, eyes shining with wisdom, affection, and the faintest flicker of pity. "Get your rest, Kuchiki. It's an order."

"Yes, captain." Ukitake blew out the candle and left, closing the shoji door behind him.

Rukia rolled over in her bed, pulling the blankets up to her neck. He was right. "_Tomorrow will come...and it will go just as quickly." Maybe this won't be so bad. _She closed her eyes and before she could form another thought, Rukia was asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Rukia woke up, well rested, anxiety free, her mind clear of he wasn't Kaien, Rukia had briefly forgotten the power of advice from her captain. She went about her day, running errands, visiting friends, and eventually the time came to say farewell. She walked into the fourth squad, greeted by an all too familiar sound - arguing.

"Kurosaki! Let's go! We're going to be late!"

"Chill out Ishida!! We're not going to be late!" Ichigo barked.

"You're so irresponsible, Kurosaki." Ishida rasped as he readjusted his glasses.

"What was that!? You jerk!"

"Now, now, Ishida-kun! Kurosaki-kun! Let's go, or else Yoruichi-sama will leave us behind! You'll both make us late!!" Inoue chirped.

"Mmm." Chad chimed in.

"Wha-! I-it was Kurosaki!" Ishida protested.

"Oy! Rukia!" Ichigo ran to greet the small girl standing in the doorway, her head bowed.

Rukia gave a small smile, hidden from the rest, before looking up. "Jeez, Ichigo. Nii-sama was right... you really are slow."

She looked away, completely disinterested. _It's nice to be able to provoke someone again, _she thought.

The group followed as Ichigo and Rukia argued all the way to the senkai gate. Rukia watched as her captain gave Ichigo his own shinigami badge, and smiled as she bade her friends farewell. She would miss them terribly and in some small part was glad that things with Aizen were not yet resolved. She would be allowed to see them again.

When she turned around, she noticed the group of captains who had collected behind her, also saying their farewells. As she scanned the group, she noticed him. "Byakuya..." it was a barely audible whisper, and he would not have caught it, had he not been staring at her intently.

They gazed at each other, Rukia's eyes shining in frozen fear, Byakuya's eyes hardened with concentration. There was silence between them, tension, uncertainty. Rukia didn't know what to do, she was still angry with him, but felt foolish for being angry with the man who saved her life. She didn't know how to behave.

Byakuya didn't know what to say to her. His secret had already been unsheathed. He expected anger from her for what he had done. Now, the two were expected to carry on as though they had always been a happy blood-related family. The silence began to drag on, realizing this, Rukia awkwardly tried to break it first.

"Byakuya... nii-sama... I am glad to see that you are doing better." She looked down as she spoke the words, she did not want to be penetrated by his intense gaze. _Go figure, the first time he really looks at me, I'm so afraid can't even look back._

Byakuya, at her downcast glance, realized he had been staring at her intently and quickly looked away. "Thank you... Rukia." Both glancing away from each other, Rukia at her feet, and Byakuya away into the distance, there was silence yet again. He looked back out of the corner of his eye. She was still staring at her feet. _She doesn't even want look at me..._ "I will see you this evening at home. I have some matters to attend to, if you'll excuse me." He paused for her answer and quickly turned, walking coolly away.

She looked up in surprise. "Y-yes. Nii-sama." She had not expected the conversation to be this quick.

_I should have expected as much... I was hoping we could break the ice... I probably should not have looked away from him... You have to be strong, Rukia! You are not as worthless as he thinks you are!_ Her eyes filled with determination, her left arm clenching the upper part of her right to stay the trembling, she looked at his figure swiftly disappearing towards the sixth squad headquarters. _Look at him, he didn't even want to talk to me, I bet I'm just going to be wasting his time... this is so awful. Ukitake Taichou, why did you do this to me? Why does he have this control over me? _

She looked down yet again, and walked away. She had to get going if she was going to make it home by evening. She didn't want to irritate him by being late.

* * *

_**Notes: **Okay, end of chapter 6. So, this one was also kind of short, but hey, it's moving, right? I really want to know what you guys think,definitely about this chapter, but also how you are feeling about the story. To you does it drift, is it suspenseful, etc.? I also wanted to know how you felt about the last chapter, with the little plot twist between Byakuya, Rukia, and Hisana... _

_Just so you're not thinking that Byakuya was eyeing a very young Rukia, I created a timeline where after Renji and Rukia decide to become shinigami, it takes them a few years to actually get into the academy. So, when Byakuya sees just the two of them, they are much older, and they all look around the same age. Like I said, I use a couple of assumptions for the timeline so... just go with it...I also use arbitrary year dates just to make the math in mind, people age at different rates, so they can look different at different ages._

_Time Assumptions: It takes Rukia about 84 years to look like she is 14 years old. We will assume that Byakuya is about 80 one century ago._

_And, we'll assume Renji is two years older than Rukia. _

_1850: Rukia is born. Hisana comes to Inuzuri. (Hisana 13, Rukia 0, Byakuya 30)_

_1860: Hisana abandons baby Rukia (Hisana 23, Rukia 10, Byakuya 40) _

_1900: Byakuya is about 13 and is training. (Hisana 63, Rukia 50, Byakuya 80) _

_1924: Rukia and Renji meet and are about 8 years old looking. (Hisana 87, Rukia 74, 104)_

_1934: Rukia and Renji decide to enter into the Shinigami Academy (Hisana 97, Rukia 84, Byakuya 114)_

_1944: Byakuya met Hisana, sees Rukia (Hisana 107, Rukia 94, Byakuya 124)_

_1945: Byakuya married Hisana (Hisana 108, Rukia 95, Byakuya 125)_

_1947: Byakuya becomes a captain (Hisana 110, Rukia 97, Byakuya 127)_

_1949: Rukia and Renji enter into the Shinigami Academy. (Hisana 112, Rukia 99, Byakuya 129)_

_1950: Hisana died. (Hisana 113, Rukia 100, Byakuya 130)_

_1951: Rukia is adopted into the Kuchiki clan. (Rukia 101, Byakuya 131)_

_2000: Rukia meets Kurosaki Ichigo. She is 10 times older than him. Thus she is 150. Given that she looks roughly 16 now, then 75 years ago (half her life ago) she must have looked 8, which is when she met Renji._

_- Yes. I really thought about all this._

_I wrote that note a while ago, probably after my last update... whew, it feels like FOREVER. Well anyway, I didn't update for a while, because I had no idea where the plot was going. I had tons of ideas, but finally steadied myself on one. :) So, now that I've figured out where the story is going, I can finally quite planning and start writing! Okay, review pretty please! I really want to know what you think!_


	7. Under Wraps

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_**Notes: **Oy! Sorry for the long wait. Are you guys still there??? I think I've finally settled on a plot, so now I can get moving. I would like to give a HUGE IMMENSE GIGANTIC thank you to Boo-82 for reviewing my plot ideas. ^-^ It's helped so much and I finally have a sense of direction!_

_This, as well as the next two chapters were originally one that I expanded after rereading it... I'm sort of nervous about them, but the story is 'in progress' so I might change them later. Most likely once I finish the story, it will go through a major rewrite, so tell me what parts you like or would want me to keep. Chapters 8 and 9 should be up soon. Oh, I also started spacing out the paragraphs more, to make it easier to read._

_Okay, one more note. I don't know if any of you have seen the new bleach episode 202, but they changed the ending song, and there is a scene with Yoruichi and Soi Fon, and there is a HILARIOUS picture of young Byakuya defeated with his butt up in the air in the background. Adorable! Just thought I'd share. ^-^_

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**Chapter 7: Under Wraps**

Enjoying the rare liberty of self-sufficiency, Rukia decided to walk home. When she arrived at the gates, she looked into the distance at the large manor in front of her; it was dwarfed only by the extensive grounds that surrounded it. Looking to her left or right, she could not see the eastern or western walls of the estate.

The Kuchiki manor was immense, excessive in every way, it was filled with countless objects and rooms, the only things of any use were the innumerable volumes that consisted of the history of Soul Society.

She had spent three months sleeping inside of a closet in a room that wasn't her own, yet here where if she desired it, she could have an entire building to herself, Rukia found herself uncomfortable. She walked through the gates towards her living quarters. She still had two hours before dinner to take a bath.

Rukia was walking along the paths framing the outside of the building, when the thought hit her. Rukia's eyes flew up to the building, she stood in place as her eyes darted hungrily, taking in every detail of her surroundings. What was the same? What had changed?

The manor suddenly looked completely different. Suddenly it was no longer a place rotting in excess, but part of the history of someone in her family – her real family. She was not the first commoner to walk these boards.

_Hisana._

How many times had her sister walked these paths before her? She immediately slowed, taking her next steps carefully as if to step inside of another's footprints.

_Where? Where did Hisana step? How many times did she walk this path?_

The Kuchiki manor was filled with history. It was filled with _her_ history - and the thought filled Rukia with regret: they had existed in the same place twice, missing one another only by the cruelest turn of fate and the tiniest sliver of time.

Rukia looked towards the gardens. With the breeze blowing in her hair, causing it to gently caress her face, she closed her eyes. She wondered what traces of her sister were left here.

_I wonder if she smelled like the breeze here. What was her touch like? _Rukia paused, opening her eyes.

_What could she have thought to become so distraught that her guilt would consume her? How many times did she pace in worry for me? How many of her steps were wasted...when I'm just fine... _

_Hisana, am I responsible for your death too?_

Hisana's abandonment had stung at first, but Rukia felt she could not begrudge someone she did not really know. Besides, she was guiltier of worse. She had killed someone she loved, to protect herself. Rukia felt her heart sink.

_Kaien-dono..._

She pushed aside the thought of him, unready to cross that painful threshold. Dinner would be soon - she didn't have the time to become emotional. She walked quickly inside and arranged for a bath.

* * *

Soaking in the hot water, again her mind wandered to her sister.

_I wonder if she ever used this tub._

She crossed her arms over the edge of the wooden tub and rested her head.

_Everyone around me... everyone around me knows more about my history than I do. I wonder how many of the servants knew her... _

Rukia sank into the water, somehow the realization had embarrassed her.

_I wonder if this chef cooked for my sister, I wonder who ran her baths, I wonder if she used perfume... How tall was she? What were her favorite foods? _

Rukia knew the questions were meaningless, yet something inside of her burned to know. She was comprising a list in her mind, of all the things she wanted to know, pushing away the questions that she wanted the answers to the most. Eventually when she had runout of the smaller questions, it seeped it's way through.

_Would she have hugged me, or let me rest my head in her lap, or given me advice? What would she have done in this situation? What would it have been like if she found me? What was she like with him? …. What was he like with her?_

Rukia could feel a lump rise in her throat, but she pushed it back as she sank beneath the surface of the water. She shut her eyes tight and let the breath from her lungs out slowly. She had become accustomed to not showing that she craved it, yet she was cursed to be denied it by the only one who could have ever truly offered the familial affection she so desired.

When she came back up for air, she felt dizzy. She stood, feeling the weight of the water slide from her limbs and hair. Absently she grabbed her towel and wrapped herself. Not bothering to dry herself off, she walked back to her room.

She put on her clothes for dinner, and brushed her hair. Staring at herself in the mirror, she touched her features, for the first time relishing them as someone else's reflection. She imagined that she was staring at Hisana.

Rukia's expressions were bright, vivid, not as she had imagined Hisana to be. She had asked the elders a few questions about Hisana when she entered the household, curious about the woman who she was replacing, curious to know how she was expected to be. Her questions were always answered curtly, and she acquired that the topic was sensitive, so her questions ceased.

Rukia had only seen a single image of her sister. Lady Hisana was what she had called her.

_Hisana? Hisa-nee? Onee-sama?... no... Nee-chan..._

Now she looked in the mirror and tried. Her smiles were bright, toothy. The smile that Hisana's picture showed was gently, and soft. She tried to emulate the expressions, but only succeeded in making herself look drowsy.

Turning away from the mirror, she rose. A servant had knocked on her door. It was time for dinner. The announcement was a welcome intrusion to her had been an intrusion to her thoughts, which were making her emotional. Gladly pushing them out of her mind, she left for the dining room.

Walking in, Rukia noticed there was no one there. Quietly, she kneeled to the table. She was glad. His presence always seemed to distract her from whatever else she was thinking, and right now, she did not want to think of him.

The time passed slowly as she waited. Her ankles were beginning to ache from sitting on them for so long.

Taptaptaptap... Taptaptaptap. Rukia drummed her fingers against the table, head resting in her left hand. He was forty minutes late for dinner. Her posture was now disheveled, her legs were removed from underneath her, now crossed indian style so they could receive bloodflow. Slouching further, she dropped her chin, and buried her face in her arms on the large dining room table.

Not particularly hungry, she thought, _Maybe if he's late enough I can just leave and go to my room. _

No sooner had she thought the words, Byakuya silently approached from behind.

"Is something the matter, Rukia?"

She jumped to attention in her seat at the sound of his glassy voice.

"N-nii-sama!!... nothing... I was just... I was waiting."

She turned around to look at him briefly before returning her head forward. Looking down in horror at her position, she quickly fumbled to place her legs to their proper position and smoothed her kimono, trying to hide her tabi socks.

"I see."

He paused briefly before he sat down next to her, watching her adjust herself clumsily and resume the proper position out of the corner of his eye. He looked at her bemusedly. She was so quick to make herself comfortable no matter what the setting.

Looking at her again after seating himself, Byakuya noticed that her body had tensed completely and she looked down only at the table beneath her.

Her palpable state of nervousness only added to his own, and they sat in complete silence as dinner was served.

Rukia kept her eyes on her plate, but she swore she could feel his gaze on her, freezing her to the spot, heating her under the intensity. Hyperaware of her every movement, she took small bites and chewed slowly, being careful to eat as quietly as possible.

Byakuya watched her as she ate. She was timid, her body language stiff and closed off. He mentally sighed to himself. Not one well practiced in expressing his emotions, he still had not yet figured out how to apologize to her more completely for what he had done. Two nights ago he had wanted to tell her everything, but now it suddenly seemed foolish. They were already returning to going through the motions of life as it had been before.

She had come to him that night, for what, he could only imagine, but now she was completely closed off from him. He had missed his window.

Byakuya had hoped he could have apologized to her then, and while he still wanted to, now did not feel like the right time. Even if he did apologize, things would not suddenly be made right. No doubt, they would have to _talk_ about it.

_It can wait just a little longer_, he reasoned to himself.

Neither knew what to say to the other, both swimming in their own uncertainty, one in a pool of confusion, the other in one of guilt. The silence continued until they could no longer use chewing as an excuse. Neither prone to small talk, a quick exit was preferable for both.

Her stiffness was making him uncomfortable, something he had not felt for a long time. He shifted slightly, clearing his throat hesitantly.

Rukia set down her chopsticks and looked up at him as she placed her hands in her lap.

_Here it comes..._

"Rukia, I have receieved orders from Captain-Commander Yamamoto to train you until the winter war." He paused, waiting for her reaction to the news.

Expecting the order, part of the sentence shocked her: "The Captain-Commander ordered it?" she asked rhetorically. Byakuya watched her eyebrows furrow as though she was thinking hard about something.

She had received her orders from Ukitake Taichou and had considered them his way of forcing she and Byakuya to make amends. She had no idea that her training would be the concern of Captain-Commander Yamamoto himself.

_Why would he take an interest in me? _Bringing herself back to the conversation. "Yes, Ukitake-Taichou notified me that I would need to train with you." He had stated it, but somehow she answered him as though it were a question.

Byakuya nodded. "Rukia, I will begin my training tomorrow morning. When you are feeling well enough, please let me know when you would like to - "

"Tomorrow." The word had sharply flown out of her mouth before she could even think. She looked up at his surprised face. Apologetically she tried again, a little more slowly. "I'm sorry." she gave a half smile. "I am feeling well enough. Tomorrow is fine for me to start."

His eyebrows had raised slightly at her rapid response. He looked at her. She had read the expression on his face and repeated it again, more softly. He could hear some hidden resolve in her voice, not questioning it, he resumed his usual blank expression and nodded. "Very well. We will begin half an hour after breakfast tomorrow."

"Yes, nii-sama," she bowed her head slightly.

Rukia stared at her empty plate noticing how she had left it in a state of disarray, scattered rice everywhere and chopsticks thrown on top. She glanced over at his plate, neat and clean, with his chopsticks carefully placed together down the middle.

Her insecurities began to grip her. The differences between them were great. She knew tomorrow would show that well enough. Why it had flown out of her mouth, she didn't know, but saying it had made the uneasiness in her grow. Feeling entirely misplaced she excused herself from the table.

"I'm sorry, if I am to be rested to begin training with nii-sama tomorrow I must go rest." She could feel her insides begin to tremble with some unknown emotion as she rose, bowed, and exited.

Byakuya's chest caught on the distant way she had addressed him, as though she were talking about him, not to him. He nodded as a formality, but she had already risen from the table and was practically out the door as the servants came to take the plates.

She had not looked at him again, and he could sense that something inside of her had shifted during dinner. Her unease affected him, but knowing he didn't have the right to say anything, he watched her go.

_Rukia... I'm sorry._

Why was it so much easier to think than to say?

* * *

_**Notes:** I know you guys are waiting for some serious ByaRuki interaction and it's coming, I promise... but for now... thoughts?_


	8. Will It Into Existence

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_**Notes:** I started playing with the idea of doing some chapters as a song fic, or including songs. The problem is that the style of this fiction doesn't really allow popular music to be incorporated into it very well. So, I think what I'm going to do is give you guys a sort of playlist. I know most, if not all of you won't listen to it, but that's okay. The songs that I give in each chapter will be a song I listened to while writing it to put me in the mood. Or rather, for me to determine the mood, then play it on repeat so I don't lose it. :) The mood for the first part of this chapter is best set by the song Vermillion by The Album Leaf. _

_If you guys actually are interested in listening to the songs, maybe I can make a playlist on my youtube account, so you can access all the songs I want you to hear immediately by just going to my page? What do you think? If you would do that, then let me know and I'll make one. I know, I know. The writing should be enough to set the mood... but whatever, I just like music. :) _

_Drats. I couldn't find a good version on youtube... and this site won't let me put up the link... but if you google the song title "Vermillion" by The Album Leaf, you should find a very good full version on imeem  
_

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**Chapter 8: Will It Into Existence**

Rukia walked briskly to her room, shutting the door quietly behind her. She leaned back against the wall, and let out a long sigh. Not bothering to turn on the lights, she slipped off the outer layers of her kimono, leaving her in a white yukata.

She crawled under her covers hiding herself. She shut her eyes tightly trying to fall asleep and block out her fears concerning the next day. The house was completely silent. She had become accustomed to the sounds of guards chatting outside, or cars passing by her window, and Ichigo and Kon's occasional snoring. This silence did nothing for her except let her thoughts race faster than she could chase them away.

She lay there for hours, her mind going in all directions, until she heard steps outside of her door. They were quiet and heavy steps. It was him. His room was one room down the hall and across from hers. She held her breath as he walked by. Just knowing he was close to her had the power to give her chills to instantly make her feel like she wasn't alone, as if she were being observed.

She thought of him going to his room, behaving as though things were completely normal.

_Tonight was the first time I've ever seen him look surprised at me... then again... tonight was the first night I've ever cut him off._ _He's returned to normal his face shows no sign that any of this has happened, it's like he is completely unchanged... _

_Although, why would things have to change? He's known the truth all along, nothing is different for him... not unless I make it different. What's changed? I know that he is capable of love, I know he loved my sister, and on some level he might care for me... he did apologize... yet... after fifty years, he never once thought it would be something I would want to know? How can he remain so calm!? … It's so.... annoying._

His monumental presence, again occupied her mind, overruling any thoughts that wished to plea to her emotions. They fought with her stalled state of mind, and eventually gave way to a crooked path of dreams.

Rukia thrashed in her sleep, twisting, and turning, never quite finding comfort. She tossed her body from side to side, rolling on and off of her futon. Her sleep was feverish. She transcended into depths where she could remember nothing, dream nothing, then she would suddenly open her eyes, unable to return to sleep again, until it snatched her consciousness without her being able to sense it.

This went on and off and finally her body's frustration removed the urge to sleep entirely and jolted awake, she opened her eyes.

The room was pitch black. A tiny corner had the glow of the moonlight coming in. She could hear the pitter patter of rain on the outside of her screen.

On her stomach, her limbs sprawled, her body facing the floor, she took a moment to adjust. She realized where she was. She felt so uncomfortable. Her clothing was bunched around her thigh, her arm couldn't move as she was laying on part of her sleeve. Frustrated with the sheets crumpled between her legs and irritated by her warm feet still covered with socks, she bolted upright out of bed into a standing position.

She stared at the wall straight ahead of her, she stared at the blue light, and paused in the cold air. She inhaled deeply closing her eyes. It was early morning.

Rukia had been sleeping in stone walls for a month, yet she was more comfortable then, felt more safe there than she did in this house. In walls of lethality stone, she knew her crime, she knew there was a reason. In the soft walls of the Kuchiki mansion, her treatment was always unknown and utterly random, or at least it had been until a few days ago.

She jumped up once, landing hard on the floor. She wanted to shock her body somehow. With her jump, she felt her clothing settle into it's proper place. She inhaled once more. Dawn. She looked out of her window at the sky, still dark, paling by the minute.

She bent over, ripped off the socks that were constraining her. Her robes clung loosely to her body, the folds of her yukata, just barely covering her breasts, but she didn't care. They were as detached from her as she felt from everything else. She had woken up in a fit. Her emotions had shifted during the night into something dark, something thrashing beneath her surface.

Rukia walked out of her room, making no attempts to be quiet, but resisting the urge to run hard against the floors. Anxiety gripped her pulling her forward, pushing her from the walls that dared to enclose her.

When she made it past the bedrooms she bolted, listening to her feet slap against the wooden floors, paying no mind as she slammed the screen door open, looking at the deep blue and gray outside, watching the rain splatter on the stone slabs at her feet. She stepped outside off of the path, feeling the cold wet grass. She walked briskly, with determination, to nowhere in particular. All that mattered was that she was moving full force. No one would be awake now, no one to disturb her. This was what she needed. So many days had been spent in solitude and now suddenly without it, she was left craving that simplicity which granted perfect reflection.

_What am I doing?_

She kept walking, feeling the mud and blades of grass stick to her feet, invigorating to her as they tickled between her toes, invading her space, invading her senses. She paid more attention to the slickness of the grass as she walked, sliding, nearly falling twice.

She walked until she reached the ponds by a corner of the property. When faced with the bridge she stopped. She walked back, away from the path. The sky was a paler bluish gray now and the drops were falling harder. Surrounding her, she could hear the torrential rain sweep the ground. She diverted, walking deeply into the trees, her chest heaving with aching and furious breaths, large drops falling from the branches, drenching her completely.

Wherever this fury was coming from, it was shredding away a mist of numbness that had long ago settled over her. What she was angry about she could not quite name, could not quite place, all she felt was a growing sense of indignation, of protection, of needing to claim ownership to herself above and beyond anyone else. She needed to be in the mud, she needed to be in the grass, she needed to be off the paths, she needed to be away from the blue skies, she needed to be drenched by the rain, she needed it to wash away the murkiness that was her heart. She _needed_ it.

_What am I feeling?_

Rukia, irritated by walking and of the directionless blinding rage inside of her began to run, letting the twigs scratch the bottoms of her feet.

_This has to be resolved. I need to figure this out. This anger is pointless!_

She forced herself to an abrupt stop, spreading out her arms and letting herself crash backwards into the grassy hill. She landed with a splash in the mud and a slight bounce. She felt a stone bruise her left shoulder blade; vaguely a pain registered. She welcomed the truth in that pain. It was simple; she could understand it.

_Why am I so confused?_

Rukia closed her eyes on the falling sky, and savored the cold water sinking into her robes, giving her goosebumps, sending shivers down her spine, melding her clothes to her skin. She stretched out her arms tightly to straight lines and slammed her legs together, toes pointed forward. Posture tightening while her back arched, she opened her body to the sky, inviting the world to enter. She wanted it to pierce her through her heart, to bring it's clarity deep into her body, her very soul. She wanted it to blow away the numbness and confusion that was surrounding her, that was slowly consuming her.

_Why do I feel so worthless?_

Her eyebrows furrowed, her fists clenched, and her toes curled before she forced them forward, the arches in her feet cramping from the effort. She did not care.

She lay there in that position until she could feel nothing, no anger, no pain, just the tap of drops hitting her clothes, the splash and drizzle of the rain as it hit the skin between her breasts where her yukata had slid open. Her nipples had hardened against the cold and she could feel the coarseness of the fabric against her. She could feel the mud sliding around her feet underneath her ankles, and her hair being pulled down by the dirt, swimming in the small streams that had formed around her body.

_He saved me, why do I feel angry?_

She was sure by now that dawn was breaking, but she could feel no warmth from the sun through the heavy blanket of the clouds above her.

_...Because he didn't tell me the truth... because he lied..., _she answered herself.

Wincing, she asked the question that had plagued her from the start. _Am I... am I so low that I do not deserve to know the truth of my own existence?_

Rukia's intense introspect was broken by a faint giggle, a voice teasing the words, "_I don't know. Are you, Rukia-chan?"_

She knew that voice, though it had been a very long time since she had heard it. Her eyes opened in mild surprise, squinting at the bright grey clouds in front of her. They were tinted with watery blue, but she took no notice.

"Sode... no Shirayuki," she whispered. Her eyes drifted closed again to return to the conversation beginning in the back of her mind.

She heard the giggling again. "_It's been a long time, Rukia-chan. Well, answer the question - are you?"_

Rukia paused at this. She was almost annoyed with her zanpakutou for asking the question, until she realized it was she who had asked it first. The answer was too obvious. Of course she wasn't. She gave a sarcastic scoff and a slight smile. _No. I am not, Shirayuki._ Rukia felt a piece of the anger in her chest crack from the release of pressure.

"_I don't think you are either, Rukia-chan."_ Rukia could hear the smile in the voice of her zanpakutou. "_I don't like being thought of as worthless, Rukia-chan." _Shirayuki said distantly.

_I know, Shirayuki. Neither do I. I am sorry. _Rukia stopped, considering carefully her next words, considering carefully exactly what she was feeling.

_He will not consider us worthless any longer. _Rukia stated it firmly, simply, clearly. There was no trace of confusion left in her voice.

_I will not have anyone underestimate me like this. _Her voice trembled with resolve. Her body was still, the only signs of her concentration were the tightening of her mouth and the furrow of her brows. She could feel her spirit pressure increasing with each second, ready to burst from her body.

Her resolve was broken by the giggle. "_Thank you, Rukia-chan. I've been waiting for you." _

Rukia felt a warm energy around her hand, she could feel her right arm soak further into the mud, a familiar pressure above it, and when it had settled, she felt a smooth fabric settle over the opening of her yukata, settling itself over her breasts, its length gently caressing her cheek, its end resting in her left hand. The hilt of Sode no Shirayuki rested in her right.

Rukia smiled peacefully. _Thank You, Sode no Shirayuki._

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_**Notes:**__ So, the next chapter was supposed to be a part of this one, but together it would have been... lots of words. So I split them up. Either way, I think I'm uploading three chapters at once. It's definitely time to move on to the next phase of the story..._

_ Okay! So I hope you listened to the song! I made it super easy for you to get to it, and it had no words, so I hope it didn't invade your reading concentration. Let me know if you listened to it, and let me know if I am just going to be listing the songs for myself. :) I think I'll list them anyway...for anyone who might want to listen. _

_Sode no Shirayuki is the name of Rukia's soul slayer. It means "sleeve of white snow." I had Rukia call her Shirayuki (white snow) for short. It's kind of like Snow White (the fairy tale), but also, it would sound stupid if I called her "Sode" for short, because then she'd just be calling her "Sleeve," lol, even though the name Sode by itself sounds pretty._


	9. Stolen Glances

Okay kids, I've got notes for notes. Typically I write my notes when I write so I remember to tell you what I'm thinking, and then add stuff on before I actually post. I'm posting this to kind of let you know that the story is not dead. I've been so busy with school work lately... like, I'm going insane. I cannot wait until it's over, and I really hope I pass all of my classes. :/ I have an electrodynamics exam next Monday that is basically making me panic every single day...uggggghhhhh....then next month I have thermodynamics, complex variable calc+boundary conditions, abstract algebra 2, and quantum mechanics...blaaaaaggghhh...*drops head on desk* why did I choose this major? It's so hard to remember why you love something when people keep shoving your face into it...then you can't see it anymore. Anyway, this is very unedited. It's part of chapter 10 too which is incomplete. Just so you know, I think the next phase of the story is somewhat delicate and I don't think I can really write it chapter by chapter, I need to put it together cohesively, so the next ten chapters I'm trying to write, make sure they work well together and then I'll start posting them...though that might not happen until May...oh god... I'm so sorry! Anyway give me some thoughts, ideas, criticisms, private messages with your favorite colors, whatever you like. :) Hope you're all doing well! And I'm so sorry for not posting. This chapter isn't really anything special, just more moving towards the shiny next ten which you've all so patiently waited for... and I WILL DELIVER DAMMIT! really, be critical. I want this to be good. :) I've already got another bleach fanfic bubbling in my mind, so I want to finish this one well, re-edit at the end, and then start that one.

GOMEN NASAIIII!!!!!!!

~mangobeta

_Notes: Okay, so here we have chapter nine... As I said before, chapters eight and nine were supposed to be one, so that is why they are stylistically so similar. _

_Today, January 20, 2009 marks the innauguration of the 44th President of the United States, Barack H. Obama. I'm writing it down and I'm posting it, so I know what I did on this historic day. It has been decades since the world has had a leader like Barack Obama, I want to remember it. I'll reserve my thoughts, but let it suffice to say that I am inspired._

_Also, I am forcing my music upon you!! Well, the lyrics fit, so you can look up the song if you like it enough. :) The song that best suits this chapter is ….at the bottom so I don't interrupt you. :) Read on!_

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**Chapter 9: Stolen Glances**

_Normally there's a clumsy attempt at conversation._

Byakuya lay in bed on his back, his left arm behind his head, his right hand resting on his bare stomach. He stared out of the open screen door at the crescent moon feeling the wind blow into his room, bringing with it the sweet scent of the rain falling outside.

_She was short with me._

By every estimation of the Kuchiki and by the shinigami he had done the right thing, yet he was wrong. Rukia adhered to another code, one he was long ago forced to abandon. Her expectations were those that could be seen by no one, whose bars were set only by one's self, whose results went unrewarded yet could bring the greatest sense of satisfaction. Those were the laws he broke.

Her unmeeting eyes confirmed with astonishing force the disappointment he had rendered. He was a letdown in her eyes. The emotion had not been directed at him in years, but Byakuya knew all too well the averted glances of disappointment.

_That's never happened before. _

Disappointment was the expression exchanged most frequently in his childhood; it was the look he often received from his father, the look he often gave to his mother. When he was younger it had more meaning. Their disappointment drove him to become an immaculate clan leader, a legendary shinigami, a prodigious student, and in essence someone to stand above all the rest.

_She's acting completely normal._

In the years since Rukia had been adopted, Byakuya had steered clear of her, offering his protection only when he saw fit, only when she needed him – the occasion was rare. It suited him just fine, except – except occasionally sometimes after a particularly stressful day, he would find himself notifying her captain, requesting to take a walk with her. He would talk to her about affairs going on the Kuchiki household, ask her about her progress in the squad, or go on about important information - seemingly important. None of it really had any relevance to her, but it made for an excellent excuse.

_She's different somehow._

She would listen intently thinking that they were all things she should know, and he let her. It was enough of a veil to hide his desire to be near her. He made her uncomfortable and he knew it, but it was a small price to pay for his sanity. Their meetings were short - if she was near him for too long, his memory would begin to drift. Regrets and 'what ifs' would seize him – an unnecessary and immense hindrance. Realizing this, he eventually spent less time with around her. He learned to lock away anything that would reveal himself; he preferred it that way, it made things easier – for him.

_I didn't do a damn thing to protect her._

Byakuya sighed. He had never thought of what it must have been like for her. The tables had turned and now it was he who could no longer grasp her emotions. She was no longer within a distance he could hope to bridge. Normally she was readable. There was usually virtually no filter between her heart and her expression – something he noticed bemusedly when he first met her; she was his complete opposite in that respect. Now her expressions were hidden from his view.

_I betrayed her._

He turned on his side, facing the open screen. He cradled his head as he breathed deeply. She should have been fuming, she should have hated him.

_If she would just be angry with me, then maybe I could address it. _

She had not once looked at him with rage, instead she had bourne it all with immense dignity. A dignity he knew she possessed, a dignity, he could now assuredly say, was greater than his own.

At the execution, he watched her face, soft with concern for others, heavy with hopeless acceptance. When she saw him, he saw the spark ignite in her eyes - and he felt the singe of its smoldered ash when he looked away. He had been her last ray of hope, and he took it from her.

Byakuya wondered what it was like for her, to be stripped of power, to experience life as a normal human soul, what it was like for her to be free, away from the constraints of the order of Soul Society, but most of all he wondered what she felt when freed from the constraints she faced as a Kuchiki. He had often wondered what it would be like for himself.

Whatever she was feeling, she didn't show an ounce of it. Now she knew, but instead of opening the window to her lively world, she closed her doors and he was the one who needed to be shut out. Byakuya closed his eyes, feeling the remorse burn in his skin.

He had wanted her to be anything but subdued, he wanted her to feel something, to say something to him. She had been so close to him all of these years. He was used to her being close to him, always biting her tongue, opinions, sarcasm, and laughter ready to roll off at any moment. Watching her had made him feel free, the sensation teasing him for he was not free and he could never be. He was bound to the fate of the Kuchiki: live, serve, die. Live a half life. Serve for another. Die alone. This was what was set for him a long time ago, and he had accepted it.

The moon faded, the downpour had set in. Sleep was out of the question now. He would need to be up for breakfast in a half an hour.

Slowly, Byakuya rose from his sleeping mat. His head was pounding, his body crying out for sleep, his mind not letting him. He walked to his screen door and began to close it when he paused. He was so lost in thought, he hadn't noticed it before, but he was certain he could feel it: Rukia's reiatsu was fluctuating wildy, glitching back and forth. Suddenly he heard the sound of her feet slapping against the cold wooden floors, she was running and running hard.

Byakuya closed his eyes, his hand sliding down the half open screen door as he rested his forehead against the frame. She was out of the house when her reiatsu began to stabilize; she was angry. He smiled mockingly at himself.

_Good for her.... she really should be... _

_Maybe now.... _

Byakuya let her reiatsu slide further away from the house. He stayed at the door frame until he felt her settle within the grounds. Mildly surprised that she had not run away from the house completely, he noted the time: they were supposed to meet for training in the next twenty minutes. He closed the door, walking into his room to prepare for the day. The training would be easy, being near her would not.

_Don't kid yourself, Byakuya... _

_You have an assignment to complete. _

* * *

Byakuya gathered an umbrella and the training items he prepared the night before. He left through the back door, following the path that she had taken moments before. His pace was slow, tempered. He was in no rush to catch up to her. In the time that he approached her, he would hide his reiatsu and gauge hers giving himself time to contemplate what awaited him. He would not admit it, but his concentration was fringed with the fear of her reception.

While he may not have recognized the fear explicity, enough registered to tell him that an apology was beyond use at this point. He would endure whatever she threw his way, he owed her that much, though, he would endure it later. There was still a war at hand, and orders were orders. Training needed to start soon. Byakuya flash stepped forward.

When he arrived at the footbridge, she was no where in sight. Glancing to his left, he noticed through the distant trees a white blur on the far hill. Not ready to be heard or seen, still analyzing his the situation he hid his reiatsu as he moved towards her.

She was laying in mud, yet she was completely clean and irridescent from the rain that had washed her. A pale blue reiatsu surround her, its strength causing the light to ripple giving her the appearance of being under water. She was clearly pulling in more spirit force than she was aware of; the excess particles were flowing out from beneath her, running down the small streams in the ground giving it the quality of cracked ice. She exuded elegance.

Her legs were relaxed, her white robes were plastered to her skin and opened slightly showing the trail of skin ascending her right thigh. When he reached her hips he noted that she was fine and he did not need to look further, but his eyes were unable to deny the gravity from an inviting stance that they had never seen before.

Her back was arched, the imprint of her hips and abdomen completely unhidden by the wet cloth against them. His eyes continued upwards and widened briefly. He had caught a glimpse of her yukata. It had slid open and was baring the inner curves of her breasts. He tried to look up but his eyes betrayed him again, pulling his concentration downwards.

The fabric was sliding off one of her shoulders, exposing her toned muscles and fragile collarbone. He would have continued upwards had she not inhaled deeply at that moment. The droplets of water that were resting had collected into a small stream now running down the center of her chest, which he now noted was accentuated by her arching, making it impossible to miss the fact that she was cold. He watched the trail of water until it was absorbed into the fabric tied at her waist.

Had it not been for the rain cooling him, he may not have noticed that his skin had heated.

He quickly glanced towards her neck. Her throat was smooth, the cradle of a perfect jawline which held a peaceful expression and parted lips. Entranced, he watched her. Her eyebrows were furrowed. He could see no signs of strain within her face, just the look of determination stated matter of factly in her features. He gazed at her, watching her reiatsu glimmer over her until it quickly disappeared. It was replaced by a long ribbon of white fabric that settled over the figure he was observing. His eyes widened in surprise.

_She's already regained her sword!?_

_...I see._

Byakuya said nothing as the moments passed. He would give her some time to finish her discussion with her zanpakutou. Aware of the rain still falling in violent torrents, he placed the umbrella over her face. He turned his head towards the footbridge and washed his face of expression, only allowing a tiny look of annoyance to seep through, as though he had been watching the bridge for the entire time.

More time passed, and he could sense that she had regained perfect control of her reiatsu emissions, but she wasn't saying anything and hadn't risen.

"You are finished here. We are late for training," he said matter of factly. He waited for a response from her.

He paused for a moment longer, and still, no response came from her. When he looked back down towards her, his eyes flickered and his breathing stopped for the briefest moment. She had heard him, in fact she was staring directly at him, her gaze straight as an arrow, piercing his steel eyes with hers of hot violet.

Rukia answered him now, "Yes, Byakuya-nii-sama," she answered politely. Too politely.

Byakuya felt a drift within his chest, as though something within him had been pushed into the wall of his back, leaving nothing but an icy wind in its wake. She had heard him indeed, but she did not answer him - not until he looked at her.

Rukia was daring him to look at her. The intensity of her gaze disconcerted him. He blinked his eyes slowly as he turned his head towards the footbridge, to let her know that was the direction of their destination. He looked out of the corner of his eyes. He saw her standing, the weighted fabric falling to the outlines of her curves. He saw the rain pelting down on her hair, dripping from the tips to the ground, sliding down the curved strands to her throat where they disappeared into the cloth.

Byakuya tensed. Not quite knowing what to do, he held his arm out a little, a small indication for her to come under the umbrella with him.

Rukia was looking dead ahead at the direction of their destination. She saw his motion out of the corner of her eye, but did not turn. Instead, she began walking forward. "No thank you, Byakuya-nii-sama. There is no point." It was true, she was already drenched. "Let us not lose anymore time." Rukia smirked as she walked away, pleased at her small triumph in classifying one of _his _actions as meaningless.

Byakuya watched her walk away into the distance, determined to get there. He pulled his arm closer to his body, protecting himself from the rain. In truth, he had brought the umbrella for her. She had rejected it. He grimaced inwards. He was feeling slightly ridiculous being sheltered while she bore the rain. She was making a point and he knew it. She was refusing his protection, allowing him to protect only himself. He found himself uneasy, yet impressed by her subtle metaphor. He didn't like it.

Although, his discomfort quickly dissolved as he continued to watch her walk away indignantly. He now had a question on his mind.

_I wonder when she's going to remember that she's barefoot and in her nightgown?_

Byakuya blinked slowly to hide the amusement in his eyes as he walked beside her. Triumph is such a fickle thing.

* * *

_**Notes: ** As usual, reviews, suggestions, and personal messages are greatly appreciated. Oh, a note... I think you have to send me a personal message to send me email addresses or links. This site really does not like any of its members putting in links.... grrr.... Okay, so the song! It's more for the first part of the chapter._

_In The Sun by Joseph Arthur_

_I picture you in the sun, wondering [or wandering], 'what went wrong?' _

_And falling down on your knees, asking for sympathy. _

_And being caught in between all you wish for and all you've seen. _

_And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in. _

_May God's love be with you. Always._

_I know I would apologize, if I could see your eyes. _

_'Cause when you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else. _

_But I was caught in between all you wished for and all you need. _

_I picture you fast asleep. A nightmare comes, you can't keep awake. _

_May God's love be with you. Always. _

_'Cause if I find, if I find my way, _

_how much will I find? _

_Will I find you? _

_I'll find you._

_Oh, I don't know anymore, what it's for. I'm not even sure. _

_If there is anyone, who is in the sun, will you help me to understand?_

_'Cause I've been caught in between all I wish for, and all I need._

_Oh maybe you're not even sure, what it's for, anymore... like me._

_May God's love be with you. Always._

_'Cause if I find, if I find my way, _

_how much will I find? _

_Will I find you? _

_I'll find you._

_Isn't it perfect for him? I think so... I think the song could be addressed to the better part of himself, or Rukia. GO LISTEN TO THE SONG! THE MUSIC WORKS TOO! Hmm... [thinks to self... will they listen if I refuse to update until someone says something...] just kidding... I won't do that... I don't think._

_**Notes:** Hooray! I finally made it to this chapter!! Woot! I have been looking forward to this point... Okay, so I will tell you the song right now: It's by Nelly Furtado, Say It Right. It's fairly popular. I'll put the lyrics at the bottom. This one's for both characters, as in it could be from both perspectives. Be mindful that they're not thinking the lyrics, I think it just serves as some kind of musical narrative/foreshadowing element/something like that. And sometimes the song is just suited to a moment, but that moment is usually the point of the chapter...I'll shutup so you can read.^-^_

* * *

**Chapter 10: No Girls Allowed**

Rukia and Byakuya walked in silence towards the dojo which was faintly visible in the distance. Rukia herself had never been here before. The dojo was known to be Byakuya's personal training ground. Rukia, fearful of the fact, had limited her training area to the thirteenth squad's sunny training grounds and its cheerful company.

The dojo was a massive rectangular building with two levels. A porch wrapped around the ground floor shadowed by a balcony encompassing the floor above. The building was constructed entirely with unvarnished wood, the only hints of adornment were the crane patterns on the sliding screen doors.

Byakuya took the lead as they arrived at the entrance. Rukia glanced to him, sensing the slight tension when he went ahead to open the door, as if he were nervously letting her into a secret hideout. She let small smile escape at the thought. Come to think of it, servants were only allowed into the dojo to deliver important messages. They were not permitted to interrupt his training for services like baths or meals.

Byakuya walked up to the crane screen and slid the door open, gesturing for Rukia to enter. She obliged, still looking up and around at the building and its surroundings. When she entered, he closed the screen behind her, and began to walk towards a bench inside the nook in corner.

"We will meet here everyday, one hour after breakfast," he announced. "The servants have also been notified to bring the afternoon meal here." Byakuya set the napsack he had been carrying down on the bench and looked up at her to see if she had heard him. Rukia was nodding her head, but eyes were still looking at the dojo, her face in awe.

"Rukia," he continued, "you will wear these every day," she looked at him, "instead of...your current attire." His voice had trailed off as he refrained from mocking her obviously inappropriate attire by announcing it as though she had intended to fight in it. Byakuya gestured to the pile of clothes on the bench he had pulled out from the bag.

Rukia on the other hand looked down raising her eyebrows at herself briefly. She had been so adamant about beginning training after her revelation, it had not occurred to her that she was shoeless or still in her night clothes. A sharp gasp escaped her as she blushed slightly in embarrassment.

"Y-yes, Byakuya-nii-sama," she answered uneasily, struggling to maintain her defiant cool. This was not the glorious start she had envisioned.

Byakuya, noticing her blush furiously, felt the most minute hitch of his breath. He regained himself hastily.

"Come," he ordered.

Rukia walked towards the corner of the dojo to where he was standing. Inside the nook with the bench, there was a door she had not noticed earlier when walking in. Byakuya slid open the small door for her to take a look. Rukia peeked inside. There was a wooden tub straight ahead as well as benches surrounding the perimeter of the room. On the right side of the wall there stood a collection of square wooden storage cabinets. She guessed it was a mix between a sauna and a changing room.

"You can change in here. There is only one changing room, so we will normally take turns." He walked away from the door allowing her to pick up her clothing and enter the room. "There are spare socks in the cabinets."

Rukia closed the screen door behind her. She would have inspected the room further, but they were already running late. She placed Sode no Shirayuki on a bench and quickly changed out of her yukata and placed it on a nearby heater to dry. She wrung the water from the tips of her hair while she examined the clothes that she was to wear. The outfit was similar to her shihakusho. The top was a sleeveless white kosode, matched with dark red hakama pants and a white sash. The outfit vaguely reminded her of her shinigami academy uniform.

Rukia put on the shirt, and carefully wrapped it around her body. It was clear that the shirt was not intended for a woman. She had to be careful that she tied the front so that she did not reveal her breasts, but left it open enough so there would be enough material so that they would not be visible from the open sleeves. When she had finished getting dressed she picked up her zanpakutou and opened the screen door.

To her surprise, Byakuya was standing right outside of the door, almost turned away from her. It appeared that he had changed into a similar outfit, except that his hakama was a deep green almost black. Gathering that he had changed outside so as to not waste time, her attention shifted to his frame. The uniform revealed his slender, yet muscular frame, and without the flared sleeves of the shihakusho and his haori to add width, he appeared much taller.

Her eyes glimpsed at his muscular and toned arms, which were reaching towards his hair, which she now noticed was without the kenseikan he was wearing when they arrived. Instead, he was in the midst of tying his hair up into a ponytail. Despite herself, Rukia's eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. She had rarely seen him with his hair down, let alonetied up so casually.

He was just finishing tying up his hair when he heard her steps and the door open behind him. He returned his arms to his side as he turned to face Rukia, whose look told him of her utter shock at his appearance. He gazed at her for a moment, not knowing what to say, and feeling the slight need to explain himself. He dismissed it quickly and not breaking her gaze he said coolly, "Are you prepared to begin?"

Rukia, slowly coming out of her daze and reminding herself of her resolve gave a deep nod of her head. "Yes, Byakuya-nii-sama."

Byakuya inhaled deeply. He did not like being addressed by his formal title, at least not by her. Typically she called him nii-sama. However, he had told himself he would endure whatever she decided, and if distance was her chosen action, he understood and would accept it. Upon exhale, his mind returned to the task at hand.

"It was my intention to begin with kidou, however, due to the rain, we will do a general survey of your abilities instead." He glanced down at her sword. "It also seems that your zanpakutou is ready to fight." He picked up his sword and began to walk across the dojo towards the mats in the center. Rukia followed.

"Your spirit energy has been depleted by that gigai - it needs to be restored and increased before the Winter War. In order to accomplish this your training will be extensive." He stopped in the center and turned around to face her. We will focus on all four fighting types: zanjutsu, hakuda, hoho, and kidou.

* * *

_**Notes:** Read, Review, Rinse, Repeat._

_Zanjutsu = swordsmanship_

_Hakuda = hand to hand combat_

_Hoho = foot combat_

_kidou = Demon Arts_

_I should have made the yukata a kosude... perhaps I will go back and change that. For the clothing, the shihakusho is the outfit that shinigami wear. The white lining under it is called a kosode, which, from what I understand is similar to a yukata. The kosode is typically worn underneath clothing, however, sometimes it's visible when someone wears their kimono open. The hakama pants are what the shinigami also wear. _

_Say It Right by Nelly Furtado, feat. Timbaland_

_In the day, in the night _

_Say it Right, Say It all_

_You either got it, Or you don't_

_You either stand, or you fall_

_When your will is broken_

_When it slips from your hand_

_When there's no time for joking_

_There's a hole in the plan_

_Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me_

_No you don't mean nothing at all to me_

_But you got what it takes to set me free_

_Oh you could mean everything to me_

_I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault_

_I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark_

_I can't say that I don't know that I am alive_

_And I love what I feel – I could show you tonight_

_You tonight_

_From my hands I could give you something that I made_

_From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I've layed_

_From my body I could show you, a place God knows_

_You should know this space is holy _

_Do you really wanna go?_


End file.
